


Something Worth While

by Fictionalcasualties



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Manic Episode, Zimmbits kid with bipolar disorder
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-08 00:05:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 25,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11069889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fictionalcasualties/pseuds/Fictionalcasualties
Summary: The Samwell legacy is continued when Jack and Bitty’s son attends Samwell University after a horrible accident, in hopes their son will find something worth while like Jack did all those years ago. A tale of stolen recipes, fire extinguishers, and of course- the SMH feud with the lacrosse team(Angsty and containing a character with bipolar disorder.)*This was originally a Tumblr fic but it's easier to update on here since I'm inconsistent lol





	1. Welcome To The Team

It was a frat house, and not even a good one. It looked about one hundred years old, the steps creaked with the horrifying idea of collapsing under each step, and the yard contained rusty old lawn chairs. Even if Jeremy Zimmermann did go to college, he would definitely not live in a frat house that looks like this.

“You _cannot_ be serious.” Jeremy hisses, hitching his bag higher on his shoulder, but not turning around to face his parents.

“One-hundred percent serious, honey.” His Dad says, and the passive-aggressive southern hitch to his voice causes Jeremy to shut up about his current position.

“Why can’t I just live in a dorm or something?” Jeremy tries a different approach, finally turning around and looking at his Papa, specifically not his other dad. You would think Jack Zimmermann, NHL superstar, would be the hard ass. 

“Because this is better.” His Papa shifts his feet from side to side, looking extremely nervous. Either because his son was about to live in a death trap or because he would be forced to go to Samwell, Jeremy didn’t know.

“We wouldn’t be doing this if we didn’t think it was best.” His Papa adds, and his hopeful and still worried eyes broke Jeremy’s heart a little more than it already has, because he always hated disappointing his parents and _goddamn_ did he screw up this time.

“I’m an adult. You can’t force me to stay here.” Jeremy argues, and he sees his older sister bristle a little from behind their dad.

“You sure ain’t actin’ like an adult, Jeremy.” His Dad pipes in, his voice more firm. “And you’re right, we can’t keep you here. But you told us in the hospital you wanted our help and that you were trying to get better, but you felt alone. And honey, we never wanted you to feel like that. Ever” His Dad takes a deep breath, and his tone holds no malice. Just a tremor of fear for what their son was going through. This was Jack’s idea after all.

“I know, I know. But…” Jeremy looks around, still cringing. “How is sending me to some school in Boston and hanging me out to dry without any financial support helping me?”

“Oh please, Jer. You don’t need financial support.” Aria, his sister, finally jumps in. “Use that NHL salary for something useful, other than fancy boats and houses.”

Jeremy is embarrassed that his sister would call him out for his spending habits, which reminds him why he’s here in the first place. He catches a glimpse of bodies gathered by the window, watching him. When they see him, the men scramble away from the window in a hurry.

“I better go.” Jeremy says quietly, suddenly feeling very shy. This is it. This is where he’s going to be for a year, or possibly the next four years. Jeremy always had hockey and he always had the Zimmermann name to back him up if he needed it. This is the first time he’s truly on his own.

“We love you.” His Papa wraps him in a quick hug, but it’s not any less affectionate. He places a warm hand on top of Jeremy’s head. “So much, Jeremy.”

His dad steps in, but this hug was more bone crushing. Eric Bittle held onto his son like Jeremy’s life depended on it, and maybe right now it did.

“Never hesitate to call, okay? And never think for a second we love you any less. We’ll be back for parents weekend.” His dad pulls back, tears pooling in his eyes. “I love you, silly boy.”

“I love you guys too.” Jeremy says quietly, almost like it’s a secret. Before this entire disaster, Jeremy can’t remember the last time he told his parents he loved them.

His parents walk back to the car, and his older sister lingers before they get into the car.

“Fret not, little bro. College is fucking awesome.” She grins, wrapping her arms around him in a swift hug. “Just don’t…”

“Drink. I know.” Jeremy lets out a shaky breath. “Trust me, I don’t think I’m ever consuming alcohol again.”

“Jer, don’t skip out on therapy please. I know you, and you think it’s a waste of time but it’s not and I’m going to worry so much if you—“

“Aria, I promise.” And Jeremy actually means it this time. “I swear I’ll go, okay?” He pulls back and pats her dark head of hair, even though he’s five years younger.

“Call me whenever you want to gossip and tell me crazy stories. Or just call me because you miss me.” She winks before catching up with their parents. He watches Aria hop into the back seat, and he watches them drive away until they are out of sight. With a deep breath and a dramatic sigh that was unnecessary, he knocks on the door. It swings open quickly, which means someone must have been waiting by the door.

The boy who opened the door has tan skin, possibly Italian. His hair is black and curly, and his eyes are so brown it looks like he only has pupils. “Jeremy Zimmermann, It’s nice to meet you.” He holds out a hand, and Jeremy shakes it with hesitance. “I’m Kyle Rustin, but you can just call me Rusty. I’m the glue of this entire operation.”

“Nice to meet you?” Jeremy tries for a smile, but even he knows it comes out painful. He reaches behind him to pick up his suitcase as he enters the ratty looking frat house. The entrance was right by the stairs, which looked extremely unsafe. There was the smell of something burning to his left, and the sound of a hockey game coming from a television to his right.

“Is this all you got?” Rusty glances down at the suitcase, looking a bit concerned. “It’s cool if you have more, Johnson really didn’t mind giving up his dibs. Weird guy, but so is his dad. Good people, though.”

“Right.” Jeremy huffs out. He sounds rude, but that’s what these guys expect, right? He was known as an asshole and he did make stupid decisions. Jeremy will be lucky if he even gets to play hockey professionally ever again.

“Anyway…” Rusty trails off, playing off Jeremy’s dismissive behavior. “You have the living room to the right, straight down the hall leads into the basement- all of our deepest darkest secrets live down there- and to the left is the kitchen. It used to be much nicer but—“

“Can I see the kitchen?” Jeremy asks, already walking over towards it anyway. His Dad talked about this kitchen sometimes, and how he turned it around after finding bottles of Sriracha sauce in the cabinets; how his Papa bought his Dad a new oven because his old one broke. Jeremy wonders if that same oven is still here.

“Yeah, sure thing man.” Rusty follows him a few feet down the hall. “Listen, you already know your Dads are like, iconic Samwell Captains and I think it’s pretty cool you’re going here now to continue a pretty wicked legacy—“

“I have a question.” Jeremy cuts him off again, right before they get to the kitchen. “Before I start meeting other people, does everyone think I’m crazy? My parents are amazing people, but I’m nothing like them. I know people say I take after my Papa, but I really don’t. He’s a better person than I’ll ever be. So do you guys already expect me to be an ass? Because you should.”

Rusty raises an eyebrow like Jeremy has three heads. “Listen man, believe it or not, most of us are on your side. Personally, I don’t want to make assumptions about people until I meet them for myself. So stop acting like I’m about to curse you out or whatever.”

Jeremy suddenly feels like a dick, but what else is new. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” he says, genuinely meaning it. “This is just… It’s a lot.”

“I get it, man. Just know, off the bat, none of us are going to egg you.”

Jeremy actually laughs at that, because Rusty was serious. They must have egged people before.

They enter the kitchen, and two people glance up in horror. There’s smoke billowing out the window as one guy uses a magazine to fan it away from the smoke detector, and the other actually tries to turn the smoke detector off.

“Dude!” Rusty shrieks. “We can NOT have the fire department here again! They almost shut this place down last time!”

“No shit dude, that’s why I’m trying to direct it away from the thingy.” The boy with the long blonde hair, fanning the smoke outside, snaps over his shoulder.

“How do you even turn this fucking thing off?” The man with darker skin stands on a ladder, now reverting to duct taping his snapback over the detector.

“What did you guys do?” Jeremy asks, and the two men look at him in surprise like they just now realized he was in the room. That felt nice; to be invisible for once.

“Well, we knew you were coming today.” The one duct taping his hat over the smoke detector says. “And we thought baking a pie might be a nice welcoming? But the fucking lacrosse team stole Eric Bittle’s recipes so we looked one up online.”

“And then,” the other guy adds. “You got here earlier than expected so we thought if we turned up the heat it would bake faster.”

“But it just caught on fire instead.” The one on the ladder says. “I’m Weezer- uh, Jacob Wesley. Just call me Weezer, it’s the only thing I respond to.”

“I’m Arrow.” The blonde grins.

“He looks like Stephen Amell.” Rusty explains. “His name is actually Melvin Williams.”

“It’s a horrible fucking name.” Arrow defends himself. “Like, fuck that. Melvin? My parents must have hated me.”

Arrow spoke in the past tense, but Jeremy didn’t ask him to elaborate. That wasn’t his place. “It’s nice of you two to think of me, but uh, please don’t burn this place down. My Uncle Shitty would be pushed into a midlife crisis.”

The two men burst into surprised laughter. “You have a sense of humor.” Weezer salutes him. “I like it.”

“I’m gonna show him his room.” Rusty picks up Jeremy’s bag before he can get to it, and leads him up the stairs. They make a left, and they find themselves in an empty room. Maybe Jeremy should have brought more with him, but he didn’t feel like fixing up his room. It would make things feel more permanent.

“So usually we’re just in and out.” Rusty explains. “Tomorrow at the team breakfast you’ll get to meet everyone. Our season starts next week so you might have to catch up a little, but you’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it. If you need me, I’m right across the hall. Our captain was supposed to be here this afternoon, but he’s probably off being studious and forgot the time.”

Jeremy does a double take. “You’re not the captain?”

“Me?” Rusty laughs. “Nah. I’m the team manager. I’m also a senior, so I finally got dibs this year. Like I said, right across the hall.”

“Cool.” Jeremy shrugs. “Thanks for letting me know about the breakfast.”

“Here, give me your phone.”

Jeremy hands him his phone and watches as Rusty plugs in his number.

“Make yourself at home, Jeremy.” Rusty smiles before leaving the room, closing the door behind him.

The first thing Jeremy does is make up the bed, then he organizes his clothes and places a picture of him and his family on the nightstand. He glances at his phone to see Aria’s husband had texted him a while ago.

**Noah Parson:**

_**You’re gonna have an awesome time at college!** _ _**Samwell is a special place.** _

Jeremy didn’t respond to him, but it’s not because he didn’t like the guy. Noah Parson is actually a pretty decent person, and an accountant of all things. He’s an extremely low-key guy, which is what Jeremy likes the most about him. It’s his twin brother that was the problem. Liam Parson is an even bigger dick than Jeremy, which is saying a lot. It’s actually really ironic that Kent Parson’s son was probably Jeremy’s most hated person on this planet. Not only did Liam seem to beat Jeremy in everything remotely hockey related, the guy was a dirty player that never regretted his actions. Even Kent Parson is nicer than his son.

Jeremy didn’t have a bathroom, so he assumed he had to use the one down the hall. It doesn’t take him that long to find it, and once he gets inside he locks the door. He needs a quick breather before he checks in with his parents, before he reads what everyone is saying about him.

People always say how tired he looks, but Jeremy has always felt like this. Sometimes it’s better to deal with than others, but most times he feels like shit.

Jeremy looks a lot like his Dad, but that biologically makes sense. He has shorter blonde hair now, because the doctors had to shave his head after the accident so they could stitch it up.

He was diagnosed as bipolar a couple years prior, he took medication for that. But then Jeremy stopped, because the side effects were really starting to affect how he was playing. That was a big fucking mistake, because then he started drinking and then he spiraled out of control and got into a car and just… screwed up. He didn’t kill anyone, thank god— well, he almost killed himself when he wrapped around a tree. The worst part about that whole disaster was in the hospital, when he woke up to his Papa crying and blaming himself like usual.

So yeah, he looks tired most of the time, and that’s probably not going to change anytime soon.

His sister was like a golden child descended from the heavens. She is the mirror image of Papa, a professional dancer on _Dancing With the Stars_ , happily married to a fucking accountant, and genuinely a ray of sunshine. Jeremy is… none of those things. He’s a disappointment, that’s what he is.

“I need to leave.” Jeremy says to himself, pushing open the door to the bathroom. He grabs his wallet and his cell before padding (carefully) down the steps and out the door.

Open air always felt nice, and Samwell is a beautiful school, Jeremy couldn’t deny that. He shoved his hands deeper into his pockets and took a look around. He tried to memorize the campus map in his head so he wouldn’t panic if he got lost, that was the last thing he needed.

“EXCUSE ME!” A loud voice shouts from behind him, and he whips around in case the guy was talking to him. He couldn’t be, because Jeremy literally just got here—

“Excuse me?” The guy says, approaching closer with a frantic wave to his arms. His skin was tanned like he was outside for hours, judging by the sock tan on his legs.

“Uh…” Jeremy trails off, looking behind him still thinking the guy is talking to someone else.

“Have you seen a guy, about this tall,” he holds up his hand a little above Jeremy’s head, “—running and waving around a lacrosse stick while in his underwear?”

It takes a few moments for Jeremy to process what he’s saying. “No.. Sorry?”

“It’s okay. Thanks!” Then he takes off and runs towards the library like his life depended on it.

“This school is fucking odd.”

***

There was a knock on Jeremy’s door that woke him up, so he buried himself further into his covers.

“Rise and shine, Zimmermann.”

That was Rusty’s voice sounding from the other side.

“Team breakfast in twenty.” Rusty further explains. “The rest of the guys want to meet you.”

Jeremy groans, but quietly enough so Rusty couldn’t hear him. He kicks out the covers and sits up, rubbing a hand over his face.

“Alright. I’m up.” Jeremy responds.

“I’ll meet you in the kitchen before we head over.”

Jeremy knew where the dining hall was, but he didn’t say that. It was nice enough of Rusty to actually to take the time and show him around.

He takes a quick shower and pulls on a plain t-shirt and jeans before meeting Rusty in the kitchen. The guy was dressed nicely just for breakfast- he was wearing a white button-up and dress pants.

Rusty seemed to have read his mind, because he laughs and says. “I have a job interview today.”

They walk out the door and the air is surprisingly cool for September, but then Jeremy remembers he’s not in Arizona anymore, he’s in New England. “Where are you applying?” Jeremy asks just to make conversation.

Rusty suddenly gets excited. “The museum of Science right in Boston! It’s a super cool place, man.”

“Are you majoring in anything science like or?”

Rusty waves him off with a small laugh. “Nah. All I know is the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.”

Jeremy laughs at that, and Rusty seems proud of himself to have gotten such a reaction out of him. Jeremy hasn’t really laughed in a while.

They get to the dining hall and bring over their food to the group of hockey players already gathered at the table. He recognized Weezer and Arrow, but the two other guys he’s never seen before. One has orange hair and an insane amount of freckles, while the other wears his brown hair in a ponytail.

“David Stuns, known as Stud by the ladies.” The one with the red hair smirks while the guy beside him snorts and rolls his eyes. “And also known by SMH as Stud.” He adds.

Stud jerks his head in his friend’s direction. “That’s Jordan Sæther, but we just call him Seltzer. He doesn’t really speak.“

“He’s Norwegian and knows about two words in English.” Rusty explains, and Seltzer gives them a small salute. “We let him pick the nicknames. It’s like the final stage of initiation.”

“Am I going to be blind folded and stripped and thrown into a river or something?” Jeremy narrows his eyes at Rusty. That is the absolute last thing he needs to deal with, especially with his wonderful ability to panic in any unfamiliar situation.

“Nah, we won’t haze you. That was like, the first week.” Rusty waves off.

“Jeremy Zimmermann, right?” Stud says as they sit down across from them. “When Seltzer addresses you at practice you’ll be fully initiated.”

_Oh goodie._

Other players start filing in and carelessly plopping down next to each other. Everyone is surprisingly friendly to him, even though he’s screwing up their dynamic. Jeremy still doesn’t know who his D-partner is, or if he even has one. It’s wishful thinking that he might get ice time any time soon. He even meets the famous Jake Johnson.

The last of the players drops down at the end of the table with a loud groan. He’s the smallest guy on the team, but his shoulders are still broad and his biceps are obvious. He has a shaved head and bloodshot eyes behind glasses.

Rusty let’s out a low whistle. “You look terrible, Cap.”

_So that’s the captain._

“I fell asleep in the library.” He explains, then runs a hand over his head. “Where’s the new guy?”

“Over here.” Jeremy looks across the table at his new captain. The guy looks over at him and gives a halfhearted wave.

“Nice to meet you, man. I’m Micheal Kerrington III but that’s a pretentious as fuck name so just call me Keurig, like the coffee maker. Coffee is my only source of sustenance besides raw eggs.” He takes off his glasses and rests them on the V-neck of his sweater. “Sorry I wasn’t there to welcome you yesterday, I’m usually a fucking pleasure but I’ve been mad stressed lately.”

“It’s okay.” Jeremy says. “It’s not a big deal.”

“On top of everything,” Arrow jumps into the conversation. “Todd still has Eric Bittle’s hockey-bro friendly recipes.”

“When the hell did that happen?!” Keurig suddenly jumps. “You guys don’t tell me anything anymore!”

“You were studying for the LSATs, man.” Weezer says. “We are still coming up with a plan to get them back.”

“Your plans suck, Weezer.” Keurig says and it makes Seltzer chuckle. People glance at him in confusion before turning back to their captain.

“I’m just going to ask Todd for them back.” Keurig says. “Like an adult–”

“He’s the spawn of Satan.” Stud interjects, and Seltzer gives his friend a worried look like the word Satan personally scared him. Stud pats his shoulder in reassurance before adding, “He would laugh in your face, Cap.”

“He’s right, Fun Size.” An unfamiliar voice says from behind Jeremy. He cranes his neck to see a guy with short brown hair and a pretty awesome jawline, if he’s being completely honest. He’s crossing his arms and Jeremy knows he’s doing that to show off the muscles prominent there. Jeremy would know, he used to do that a lot. Todd also has a friend behind him that held his hands on his hips looking at them with a judgmental expression.

“Todd, did you really break into our fucking house to steal those?” Keurig gives him a tired look.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. You just left them lying around during your ‘Epikegster’.” Todd says.

“Bullshit.” Rusty snaps. “They were in Johnson’s room. We block off the upstairs for a reason.”

“Hey, the door was open. It’s not like you were trying to keep people out. Anyway,” Todd directs his attention back towards their captain. “When you give us the golden lacrosse stick back we’ll trade you.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Jeremy mutters. Where the hell do you even get a golden lacrosse stick?

“You know we sold that thing.” Keurig smirks. “Oops.”

“You and your fuckin’….” Todd’s goon suddenly joins the conversation, desperately searching for an insult. “You and your fuckin’ feminist hockey team.”

“Do you even know how to spell ‘feminist’?” Rusty adds lamely.

“It’s not that hard of a word to spell.” Todd’s friend shoots back, thinking he’s defending himself.

“That’s the point. Scratch the spelling- do you even know what it _means?”_

“Yeah. To be all girly and shit.” Todd’s goon looks awfully proud of himself, but Rusty just puts a hand over his mouth and whispers.  _“My god_ …”

“Whatever.” Todd says, breaking the interaction. “We’re gonna burn those stupid recipes you guys cherish so much.” Todd hands him a flyer. “Hope you can make it! The bond fire is going to be the highlight of the semester. You even got personal invite from the captain– me.”

“This isn’t high school, Todd.” Arrow glares at him.

“I would prefer it if you didn’t burn my father’s recipes.” Jeremy speaks up for the first time, and suddenly everyone is looking at him.

Todd finally breaks the silence with a surprised laugh. “Shit, you got that Zimmermann kid on your team. Do you guys really suck that bad that you have to recruit someone from the NHL to help you out?”

“What league do you guys have?” Jeremy counters. “I can’t remember.”

“You’re a freshman.” Todd states like it’s an insult.

“You’d be correct.” He says. It sounds weird to his ear, because he’s already twenty-three and probably older than most of the guys on the team. Weezer and Arrow are sophomores, Seltzer is a junior, and Keurig, Stud, and Rusty are seniors.

“Why are you even here?” Todd sounds genuinely curious and extremely nosy. “Weren’t you some hot shot in the NHL?”

“You could say that.” This was dangerous territory. It’s not like no one has access to what really happened to him. He got in a car drunk and crashed his fancy sports car; that’s the gist and all people want to know. No one cares about the other details. But that does not mean Jeremy doesn’t internally panic every time he has to explain himself. He feels like he shouldn’t have to, it’s no one’s business.

“So basically, you’re a has been.” Todd rolls his shoulder and begins to walk towards the food stations to get breakfast.

Seltzer starts speaking in rapid, angry Norwegian. Todd blinks like he just noticed Seltzer was there, and when Seltzer stops his rant Todd and his friend just patter away.

No one seems to acknowledge this outburst.

“Have a horrible afternoon, asshole.” Keurig flips him off

“What was that about?” Jeremy can’t help but ask. The last thing he expected was that kind of encounter from students who go here.

“Lacrosse players.” Weezer glares at his toast like it personally offended him. “We’ve had a feud going with them since the beginning of time. It got even worse a couple years ago when frat competitions started.”

“Competitions?”

“Yeah.” Rusty interjects. “Every year there’s all these different games the fraternities participate in and if you win you get a bucket load of prize money.”

“The swim team always beats us out every year.” Keurig shrugs. “But we don’t really care about the money– just as long as we get to a higher round than the lacrosse team, then it counts as a win for us.”

This college was straight out of a movie.

***

“And I’m pretty sure Seltzer understands what we’re saying because he’s super responsive for someone who doesn’t know English. People ignore it which is weird. No offense, this school is weird.” Jeremy does the smallest laugh, and he sees both his dads light up at the small noise.

“I’m glad your teammates aren’t giving you trouble, honey.” His Dad smiles, but there’s an edge of protectiveness that tells Jeremy if someone was being mean, Eric Bittle wouldn’t hesitate to drive down here and set them straight.

“How was practice?” His Papa asks. “Is your captain nice?”

“It was okay.” Jeremy shrugs. “Nothing really happened, I guess? Just some drills and I tried to memorize their plays while shooting the puck. And the captain is nice, I think he wants to be a lawyer.”

“How’s the manager?” His Dad asks with a small smile on his face. “Aunt Lardo wants to know.”

“He’s nice. He shows me around a lot.” Jeremy plays with a stray string of his sweatshirt. He suddenly becomes nervous for no reason, and his anxiety spikes and dammit he didn’t want to have another manic episode. He really shouldn’t, because he’s been good about his medication. His last manic episode ended up in a car accident, and he didn’t want to repeat that.

His parents seem to sense his distress, even from miles away. It’s comforting to know they are an hour away, just in case he needs them. Jeremy had forgotten, before all of this, that he’s always had them as a resource.

“Your first game is in a week.” His Papa says to change the subject. “Who’s your other D-man?”

“I don’t know…” Jeremy trails off. “They tried me with a couple guys, but even third string has a dynamic I’m just messing with.”

“They are lucky to have you.” His Dad says with pride, which perks up Jeremy’s mood a little. He wasn’t a _complete_ disappointment.

“Oh- I need a favor.” Jeremy suddenly remembers. “The lacrosse team stole the hockey-player-friendly recipes you left behind and I was wondering if you could send them over again?”

His Dad gives him a surprised look, and his Papa just laughs softly. “I can’t believe y'all kept those.” His Dad says, shock still evident on his face.

“You know, I once chased out the lacrosse team with only a fire extinguisher.” His Papa says with a sly smirk. “I tried to use that story to impress your father.”

His Dad rolls his eyes. “Oh please, you didn’t need to do anythin’ to impress me. I was already gone.”

After his parents stop “chirping” (it’s flirting, Jeremy isn’t an idiot) each other, he hangs up and collapses back on his bed. After a couple minutes of staring at absolutely nothing, he grabs his backpack to start homework. Homework was always a good distraction for him, it’s why he didn’t flunk out of high school (that and his Dad would never let him be ‘another brainless jock’).

It’s been an hour of Jeremy being efficient before there’s a knock on his door and Rusty peaks his head in. “Team meeting downstairs– Arrow and Weezer are presenting their elaborate plan to get your Dad’s recipes back.”

During the meeting Jeremy will just tell them his Dad is emailing over the recipes that were stolen.

They enter the living room and there’s a whiteboard with several pictures pinned to it. The pictures were of rooms, which must have been inside the lacrosse house.

Rusty and Jeremy sit next to each other on the floor, since all the seats were taken. Weezer clears his throat before Arrow launches in to this complicated plan that seemed borderline cartoonish.

“Wait- guys?” Jeremy pipes in and barrels on before he loses his confidence. “I asked my Dad to send over new ones.”

“Oh yeah,” Stud says beside him, something skittering across his memory. “I forget Eric Bittle is your legit Dad and not some legend that used to live here.”

“But my bro, that’s not the point.” Weezer adjusts his pink snapback, like it’s a comfort blanket. “They stole something that’s very much valued by us. We can’t just let them steal it and get away with it.”

“We can’t just let them burn it in a ceremony and disrespect us.” Stud adds from behind him. “That’s unacceptable.”

Another freshman raises their hand and asks the two men to repeat their complicated plan.

Breaking into the lacrosse players’ frat wouldn’t end well, especially since they knew where the recipes were and SMH didn’t. They probably hid those recipes somewhere the hockey team would never look.

That doesn’t make Jeremy less upset, though. His Dad took his pastries very seriously, and so did Jeremy, if he’s being honest with himself. He remembers sitting on the kitchen counter swinging his small legs back and forth while his Dad whisked whipped cream or pie filling, humming Beyoncé. It was one of his more fond memories; when he was young enough to not have a worry in the world, but also old enough to remember how that felt.

He isn’t going to let some frat boys ruin something a 22 year old Eric Bittle left behind for future SMH players.

_“You know, I once chased out the lacrosse team with only a fire extinguisher.”_

Jeremy suddenly gets up and heads toward the kitchen with an idea. He remembers the fire extinguisher was hung up in the corner by the refrigerator.

He yanks it off the wall and exits the kitchen and walks past the living room and to the exit. Suddenly there’s the noise of scrambling, and the SMH team is following him out the door.

“Dude, where the hell are you going with that?” Keurig falls in step beside him as Jeremy walks down the sidewalk and straight towards the SML frat.

“Continuing a legacy.” He offers as an answer.

“Uh, Jeremy?” Rusty steps in front of him, now walking backwards. “You okay, man?”

Jeremy ignores his question and steps around him and enters the front lawn of SML team’s frat house. He makes it a point to walk on their grass, because he remembers his Papa telling him that’s a rude thing to do.

He does knock on the door though, and it seems that the rest of the hockey team wouldn’t even cross the boarder into enemy territory, so they stood outside on the sidewalk watching from a distance. Only Keurig and Rusty dared to follow him.

The door jerks open and Jeremy doesn’t hesitate before spraying the guy with white foam. He doesn’t go too overboard, because he didn’t want to suffocate him.

“BRO!” His first victim screeches, and Jeremy pushes past him and enters the house. It was the same layout as the SMH Haus, which made things ten times easier.

Jeremy walks into the living room and sees two guys playing Xbox, sitting on a rug and looking up at him in almost horror.

“This looks expensive.” Jeremy says before spraying their nice leather couch.

“DUDE STOP!” One of the guys drops his controller and jumps in front of the extinguisher. 

“Chad, NO!”

“Where are Eric Bittle’s recipes?” Jeremy asks, pointing the extinguisher at the Xbox next.

“Fuck off!” The other player snaps, fury evident all over his face.

“Oops.” Jeremy sprays the Xbox and the television flickers.

Rusty is laughing and wheezing behind him, while Keurig stares at the wrecked living room with a terrified look.

Jeremy turns around and calmly walks up the stairs, Keurig and Rusty following close behind him.

Todd suddenly emerges from a room. “Why are you guys screaming–” his words are cut off when he sees Jeremy point his weapon of choice right at Todd’s face.

“Where are the recipes?” Jeremy asks, his voice containing something close to threatening.

“You’ll see them tomorrow at the bonfire.” Todd smirks. “Go ahead, spray me with that thing. I don’t care.”

“Find his Vineyard Vines collection.” Keurig suddenly says beside him, and Todd shoots him a dirty look but the fear in his eyes is obvious.

Jeremy sprays Todd so he can’t stop him from entering his room. He goes straight to the closet and jerks it open– and yup, rows of vineyard t-shirts and pull overs, the top shelf contains several hats in different colors, and an array of belts and ties hung off a hanger.

“I’ll just buy more!” Todd shouts with panic.

“I don’t know…” Jeremy trails off, plucking a tie from the hanger with little pink whales wearing Santa hats. “This looks like a limited edition to me.”

“You wouldn’t.”

Jeremy gives him a dark look before throwing the tie into the closet and positioning the fire extinguisher to shoot.

“I’m going to ask one more time. Where are my Dad’s recipies?”

Todd swallows hard, going through an internal struggle.

Jeremy doesn’t give him time to think. “Bye–”

“STOP!” Todd shouts, waving his arms in blind panic. “OKAY. Okay. They are in the sock drawer! You fucking _monster_.”

Jeremy jerks his head towards the dresser across from him, not moving quite yet. Keurig goes over to check. He shifts through the drawer and pulls out a small box. He opens it and takes a minute to count all the notecards alphabetized neatly in the box. “This is it.”

Jeremy, Rusty and Keurig all take off and sprint down the stairs before anyone can stop them. They run out the front door and must look ridiculous; Jeremy is holding a fire extinguisher, Keurig is screaming with victory and waving the small box around while Rusty is riding on his back.

“ HOLY SHIT!” Weezer beams at them as they take off back towards their frat house.

“Jay, save!” Seltzer cheers happily and everyone pauses before laughing. Even Jeremy was laughing. He hasn’t laughed this hard in a long time. Rusty swats Jeremy’s upper arm, his eyes bright with happiness. It makes something warm light up in his chest, but he ignores the feeling. 

“Congrats, Seltzer just completed your initiation.” Rusty grins, and Jeremy can’t help but grin back. Rusty’s smile was contagious. 

“Welcome to the team, Jay.” Keurig smirks, gripping his shoulder. “Glad to have you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it was the Football team that Jack bravely dealt with, but for the sake of the story let's just call it artistic license that I changed it to the lacrosse team 
> 
> Thanks for reading! I'm glad y'all enjoyed this so much


	2. Zimms Jr.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A scene that's a bit NSFW

**Jeremy - 7 years old  
**

_He didn’t mean to run away. He really didn’t. Jeremy was excited to get home from school on Friday, running inside to see if his Papa returned home from his roadie. His flight got delayed, his Dad told him. So Jeremy thought he would surprise his Papa by walking to the airport._

_So he left the house with only a sweatshirt and walked down the sidewalk of his development with good intentions. Jeremy probably could have asked his Dad to drive him or even just have called his Papa, but this was something he had to do. There seemed like no other option and he wanted to, he really did. Jeremy felt like this was the best route to take, so why not?_

_It wasn’t until he got to the end of his development he felt a little lost. He didn’t really know which way to go, so Jeremy chose the right because he’s a righty. He’s now walking inside the bikers lane of the gravel road, and the cars that zoom by startle him every once in awhile. When Jeremy gets to an intersection, a car pulls up next to him._

_“Jeremy?” It was his Dad’s friend Lily, who would sometimes come over with her daughter because she was friends with Aria._

_“Hi Mrs. Cooper.” Jeremy waves in a polite greeting. His parents always taught him proper etiquette when you see someone you know. “How are you today?”_

_“I’m fine, Jeremy.” She looks confused, and Jeremy didn’t know why. “What are you doing out here?”_

_“I wanna go surprise my Papa at the airport. Do you know how to get there?”_

_“Does your Dad know you’re out here, honey?” Mrs. Cooper frowns, and Jeremy is temporarily stumped because she didn’t answer his question, and also because he didn’t know._

_“I don’t know.” Jeremy answers honestly._

_“Well,” Mrs. Cooper smiles kindly, “Why don’t we get you back home? I’m sure your Dad knows where the airport is.”_

_“Good idea.” Jeremy smiles, opening the back door to her car and climbing into the back seat._

_Mrs. Cooper calls someone on the phone as she drives Jeremy back to his house. He’s excited to go to the airport with his Dad, and he’s thinking he should have invited his Dad to go with him in the first place. That would have made it more fun._

_They pull into Jeremy’s driveway, and he sees his Dad halfway across their property before they even park._

_Jeremy hops out of the back seat and smiles at his Dad, but it falters slightly when he sees his Dad has tear streaked cheeks and more pooling in his eyes as falls to his knees and wraps Jeremy in a tight hug._

_“Jeremy, don’t you ever do that again.” His Dad says firmly as he can, but his voice is shaking._

_“Do what?” Jeremy was confused. “Dad, what happened?”_

_“Don’t run away on me, baby. You scared me. I didn’t know where you went.” His Dad says into Jeremy’s hair._

_“Oh. I’m sorry.” Jeremy feels a little guilty now, since he worried his Dad so much. He still didn’t understand the big deal._

_“Where were you going?” His Dad asks, clutching him tighter. His Dad must have really missed him. “Why were you on the road? Jer, you could have been hit.”_

_“I wanted to surprise Papa. At the airport.” Jeremy defends himself._

_“Oh Lord.” His Dad sighs before pulling away. He kisses Jeremy’s forehead, then stands up before taking Jeremy’s small hand in his. His Dad’s hand is still shaking. “Thank you so much, Lily. You’re an angel descended from heaven.”_

_“Of course, Eric. It was no problem.”_

_Jeremy listens to them say their goodbyes before his Dad takes him back into the house._

_“Can we go visit Papa at the airport now?” Jeremy presses, not letting it go._

_“What?” His Dad shakes his head, finally understanding. “No, Jeremy. We are going to wait until he gets home.”_

_“But I don’t wanna.” Jeremy protests, following his Dad into the kitchen. “I wanna go now.”_

_“Honey,” His Dad sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. “I’m very tired and still a bit shaken from this whole thing. Can we just watch some television together? I’ll even give you some ice cream before dinner.”_

_Jeremy didn’t want to do that at all, and he opened his mouth to snap just that, but his Dad was already walking into the kitchen and ignoring him._

_“Why can’t we go?” Jeremy demands, chasing his Dad into the kitchen. “Aria is at ballet so we would be back in time.”_

_“Jeremy.” His Dad gives him a stern look, one that angers Jeremy sometimes, because that’s the look his Dad gets when he’s frustrated. “We’re staying home.”_

_“Why do you hate me!” Jeremy suddenly snaps, and his Dad immediately stiffens._

_“Jeremy, I don’t hate you.” His Dad says incredulously, bending down once again to be at eye level with his son. “Why do you want to go so bad? Your Papa has only been gone for two days.”_

_“We never do things I wanna do!” Jeremy feels frustrated tears pool in his eyes, and it makes his Dad look a little worried; either because he was about to deal with a temper tantrum all alone, or because his son was about to cry and Eric hated it when his son was upset._

_Instead of fighting back with his seven year, Eric tries a new approach. “He’ll be home soon. I promise, honey. Will you help me with dinner? You always make it better than I do.”_

_Jeremy gives his Dad a look that resembles hatred, but not quite, before storming off to his room and slamming the door._

***

Jeremy’s eyes snap open and the room is black, except for the glow of the moonlight. His body has a slight tremor and sweat is coating his skin, and his mind is thinking faster than he can process. At first he doesn’t know where he is, but he turns his head to see the picture of his family on the night stand. Then it’s like a punch to the face, because this isn’t a dream. He goes to Samwell. He almost died in a car accident. When he tries to remember himself in that drunken and manic state, he wonders if he wrapped around that tree on purpose.

The thought haunts him sometimes, when moments are quiet and he’s left alone to reflect. He knows it’s something he should probably bring up to his therapist, but he can never find the courage to.

It’s two in the morning, but he calls his Papa anyway. It rings four times before a groggy voice sounds from the other side. “Jeremy? Are you alright?”

“Sort of. Sorry to wake you up.” Jeremy says, quite timidly. It’s not like he’s scared of his Papa, but sometimes it’s still hard for him to ask for help.

“Don’t worry, bud.” His Papa assures, and Jeremy hears his father shuffle out of bed and close the door as he probably exits his room so he doesn’t wake up his Dad. “What’s up?”

“I, um, I can’t sleep.” Jeremy leans against his headboard and glances out the window.

There’s a moment of silence, like his Papa is hesitating before asking, “Do you think you’re going to have another manic episode?”

Jeremy isn’t offended by the question, even though he would have been a year ago. That’s probably why his Papa is still a bit hesitant to ask these kinds of questions. Jeremy used to be terrible to his parents in an effort to push them away, because it was easier to hide that he wasn’t taking his medication when he was living in Arizona and able to deny skype calls.

“No, Papa.” Jeremy reassures him. “I…” His voice gets caught in his throat, because he knows what he wants to say, just not how to say it. It’s so hard, because he isn’t willing to be honest. His psychiatrist always tells him that’s one of his biggest problems, so Jeremy tries to force the words out of his mouth. “I don’t want to be here. I screwed up. I want to play in the NHL, Papa. I want to be good for something. I want to make you and Dad proud, like Aria.”

“Jeremy,” His Papa sounds stern, but there’s no malice behind it. Jack Zimmermann just desperately wants his son to believe him. “You know I don’t care if you play hockey or not. That’s not what makes me proud. You’ve come so far and improved so much in only a year. Do you know how remarkable that is? That’s what I’m proud of. I know how you feel right now, and I know you’re thinking you lost something that held the key to your happiness. But Individual happiness doesn’t come from people or things.” **  
**

“Then why was I happy before? Papa, I’m _miserable_. I lost so much.” Jeremy is on the verge of tears, either because of his quickly approaching anxiety attack, or the fact it’s two in the morning. Probably both.

 

“But _mon coeur_ , you weren’t happy before.” His Papa says softly. “Hockey isn’t everything, and I’m sorry you grew up thinking that’s what you needed to do to make me happy. I never wanted that.”

“It’s not your fault. Stop blaming yourself for things you have no control over.” Jeremy sounds a bit angry in his own ears, so he makes a mental note to dial it down a bit. People are still sleeping, and he’s learned to not take his frustration out on other people like he used to.

His Papa doesn’t get offended, though. In fact, there’s a low chuckle on the other side of the line that makes Jeremey feel extremely homesick. “You sound like your Dad.”

“When will it get better?” Jeremy asks instead.

There’s a sigh before his Papa says softly, “It’s different for everyone, Jeremy. You can’t put a date on these things.”

“I know, I know.” Jeremy suddenly doesn’t want to talk about this anymore, so he shifts the conversation in a new direction. “How’s Dad, anyway? I know he’s working on another cook book.”

His Papa can never help boasting about his husband. Even to his children, Papa won’t hesitate to go on a five minute rant on how amazing and talented Jeremy’s Dad is.

Jeremy’s dynamic with his Dad is in no way a cold relationship, but sometimes it’s  harder to call his Dad to ask for advice or comfort. He always used his Papa for that, because his Dad scared him in the sense if Jeremy said anything stupid, Eric Zimmermann wouldn’t love him anymore. He knows it isn’t possible by any means, but it’s a deep rooted fear that started when he was younger, and now it’s just a part of who he is.

Jack Zimmermann was by no means absent in Jeremy’s life either, but hockey season is always hard on families. Especially when Jeremy’s Papa would be on a roadie, and his Dad would have to handle abnormal tantrums and the quickly shifting moods of Jeremy. He was so young that he didn’t understand why he felt so miserable, and even when he was diagnosed with severe anxiety at a young age, it still did nothing for him, so he took it out on his Dad. Eric sometimes became frustrated with his son, but he never lashed out or raised his voice. It was always that underlying tone of genuine hurt when Jeremy would say things like “I hate you” and “I wish you weren’t my Dad” that Jeremy remembers the most.

So as Jeremy got older and more aware, it was harder for him to lean on his Dad for support, because he was afraid to do it. It was always the fear that if he lashed out one more time, that would be it, the final straw, before his Dad stopped loving him.

It wasn’t fair to make such an assumption on his Dad’s behalf, but if he could turn it off on command he would have done that already. Unfortunately, that’s not how the world works.

His Papa finished updating him on his Dad’s life, and Jeremy waits a few seconds, but not because he’s unsure what to say. “Papa, I love you.” and he still doesn’t know why it’s so hard for him to express himself, so he just accepts it.

“I love you too, Jeremy. Get some sleep.”

And eventually, he does.

***

“Our first game is tomorrow.” Keurig glares at the freshman who are doubled over, trying to catch their breath. Keurig made everyone go through intensive suicides at the end of practice. Jeremy hadn’t felt this tired since the training camps, the summer before he played in his first NHL game. “Jay over there,” Keurig points to him, but keeps his eyes on the freshman. “Is the only one with an excuse. He missed solid weeks of training. The rest of you have been doing this since you got here, and some of you- you know who you are- don’t seem to care, which pisses me off.” **  
**

“It’s the first game, man.” One of the freshman, Kevin, shakes his head and glances at his suffering friends. He’s also the only one who seemed to be fine. “It’s not like we didn’t work hard to get here.”

What Jeremy has learned the past week, is that Keurig doesn’t play around when it comes to hockey. He’s the kind of guy who takes commitments very seriously. It’s why he studies until he’s passed out from exhaustion, or why he pushes people right to the edge during practice. Rusty told him Keurig is, “Is 100% always 110%.”

Still, their team dynamic is much different than it is at the Haus. For example, Rusty and Keurig are always together, and Jeremy doesn’t want to intrude on the intense bromance, so he just hangs out in the kitchen. It’s surprising how much he gets to witness and hear what stories are told in there. Even the freshman who stop by don’t seem to have a problem with anyone. They grab food Seltzer stressed cooked or cookies Weezer stressed baked. Caleb, a tall Asian boy who is most likely Jeremy’s new D-partner, spends almost all his free time at the Haus, so it’s easy for Jeremy to become friendly with him. He mostly just talks about odd conspiracy theories, but Jeremy didn’t really mind. Apparently, Caleb has a YouTube channel dedicated to his theories and likes to take input from other members of the Haus.

“That’s not what I’m trying to say.” Keurig snaps just a little bit, and everyone goes uncomfortably quiet. “I’m just saying a lot of you think since you’ve made it to Samwell you’re set for hockey-career life. That’s not true. So either skate faster or leave, because college hockey is much different than high school.”

Keurig leaves the ice first with Arrow and Weezer, while the rest of the team lurk behind him. Jeremy skates up to Rusty, who’s staring off at his friend with a concerned expression.

“Is he okay?” Jeremy asks.

Rusty scratches the back of his neck and slowly turns his attention to Jeremy. “He gets intense at the start of the season, but it’s never been this bad. I think it’s the LSATS that are stressing him.”

“I mean, a lot of people get stressed out at the beginning of a season.” Jeremy offers. “It’s hard because these kids are new and they aren’t meeting up to his expectations, so he’s probably just frustrated. Right before my first NHL season, I uh,” _had severe depression and anxiety_ “-flaked, I guess, so the coaches were pissed at me because they thought I was slacking. They were mad because they didn’t get what they paid for.”

Rusty gives Jeremy a small smile, which tells him he helped the situation a little. “I feel like no one acknowledges that you were actually in the National Hockey League. You have legit experience.” **  
**

“I guess, yeah. I mean, I was only in it for a year and a half.” Jeremy laughs nervously, but Rusty doesn’t seem to notice. This conversation was moving into dangerous territory. “I kind of like that no one pays attention to my NHL career. It makes things… easier. Like I can start over.”

Rusty’s small smile turns into a large grin before slapping the pads on Jeremy’s shoulders. “Alright, man. Rest up. I’ll see you around.” Rusty says before weaving his way out of the bleachers.

Jeremy skates to the middle of the ice and revels in the fact he’s all alone. The facilities at Samwell are actually very nice, and Jeremy realizes in that moment he could be in worse places than here. Like dead, for example. Maybe this wasn’t so bad after all.

***

Both his parents recommended Annie’s, so Jeremy made it a point to go there today after practice. Rusty took a stressed and angry Keurig to “transcend” so he would be less of a “diva” and assured Jeremy that Keurig usually didn’t act like this. Apparently, his sudden shift in behavior has never happened in SMH history. Well, not this intense anyway.

Jeremy has always liked writing essays, because it’s an outlet for all his nervous energy. Sometimes he’d like to think he would have gotten into journalism if hockey wasn’t such a huge part of his life.

By the time he’s finished with his coffee and has his introduction finished, someone slides into the chair across from him. Jeremy looks up, a bit startled.

The boy looked oddly familiar with his undercut brown hair and olive skin tone. It was cold in New England this time of year, so Jeremy looked at the boy’s jacket for an emblem that could give any indication of who he is.

However, it was just a red sweater with Samwell in large letters across the chest. Pretty standard.

“You’re in my European history class.” The boy states, his face looking determined.

“Yeah…” Jeremy trails off. “Do you need help with something?”

“I’m so glad you asked.” The boy says, resting his head in his hands. “I’m Ethan Bourgeois, the one and only, possibly the coolest freshman at this school and the only latino on the lax team so they look diverse and inclusive.”

 _Is he making fun of his own team?_ “That’s quite the introduction.” Jeremy says tightly.

The boy ignores him and says, “I need a huge favor.”

Jeremy waits for Ethan Bour-whatever to ask himself instead of initiating the question.

Ethan clears his throat and adds, “You seem pretty smart since you’re always answering Professor Colin’s obscure questions.”

“Thanks.” Jeremy says flatly, his tone conveying he is not amused. This guy seems like kind of an ass, and Jeremy was in the zone before Ethan disrupted his focus. It’ll take forever to get himself back into that type of headspace.

“I will pay you mad cash to write that research paper for me.” Ethan searches Jeremy’s face for any giveaway on his emotions, but Jeremy remains blank. Internally, his anxiety spikes because he doesn’t know this kid and disappointing people always rubs Jeremy the wrong way. He absolutely _hates_ unfamiliar situations. He doesn’t think anyone has ever asked him to cheat before.

“I don’t think so.” Jeremy eventually responds once he has a handle on himself. “I’m flattered you’d ask me to cheat for you.” He says, his voice dripping with sarcasm. This is usually how he covers his internal crises up; being an asshole.

Ethan deflates, his initial confidence disappearing. “Please? I’m so desperate. Everyone else in the class looks mean and unwilling–”

“So you’re saying I look like the poor sucker that needs cash.” Jeremy closes his laptop with a sigh before neatly placing his things back in his backpack. No way is his focus coming back anytime soon.

“Hold on, that came out wrong. I just meant you looked nice.” Ethan, to Jeremy’s horrified surprised, actually follows him out the door of Annie’s. _Stop panicking, dammit._

“I don’t have any other option.” The boy pleads.

“I have an option for you.” Jeremy stops walking to look Ethan in the eye. “How about you take notes and pay attention? Better yet, actually do the work on your own.”

Jeremy turns to go on his merry way, hoping Ethan The Ass will get the hint, but instead he runs ahead to put himself in front of Jeremy’s path. “I physically can’t. Like, I know what I want to say I just can’t put it on to paper. My older brother is so self absorbed that he won’t help. He didn’t even let me into his stupid frat. Straight out denied me. Usually my mom would do it–”

“You’re kidding.” Jeremy laughs at the guy, but it dies out slowly when he sees Ethan’s face. He looked dejected and terrified. “Why the hell do you want my help so much? It’s not that hard of a paper, and it’s the first of many. Maybe you shouldn’t be in this class if you hate writing so much.”

“It’s not that.” Ethan rubs a hand over his face. “Listen, I just need more time to figure things out.”

“It’s due at the end of the month.” A gust of wind chills Jeremy to the point of being uncomfortable. “You have plenty of time.”

Ethan’s shoulders sag with disappointment, and he opens his mouth like he wants to say something else, but ultimately decides against it. He moves out of Jeremy’s way before saying, “Okay, sure, I’ll try I guess. Sorry for harassing you.”

Jeremy raises his eyebrows in response before walking back to the Haus without any further interruption from Ethan. Jeremy has been here for basically a week, and so far he has had three strange interactions. What that could possibly mean? Samwell is fucking odd and looking more like a place he will never get used to.

***

Jeremy always hated when his teammates from the Coyotes would call him Zimms Jr. He loved being a Zimmermann, because people would see him like the prodigy he wasn’t. Since he is a Zimmermann, that somehow made him better than everyone else; in _his_ mind at least. He was a Zimmermann, so he could do no wrong when it came to hockey. So why, in the past, did Jeremy hate being called Zimms Jr.?

The Zimmermann name was a crutch he relied on heavily, and it was a crutch Jeremy didn’t realize he hated.

Yes, he loved being a Zimmermann, but not for the hockey. It isn’t until now, as he’s being slammed into the boards and getting the wind knocked out of him, that he realizes that.

Jeremy falls to his knees and the Princeton fans’ cheers fill the arena. No whistle is blown, because he’s not injured and it was a legal check. In fact, he’s endured worse in the NHL. So he pulls himself up and makes the line change. He’s surprised he even got to play tonight, even if it was just for a couple minutes.

“Nice job!” Keurig smiles, shaking his shoulder. “Not bad for someone who’s only had a week of practice.”

No one here cares about his past career. There were some chirps thrown at him out on the ice by the opposing team regarding his former position on the Arizona Coyotes, but they weren’t offensive or insensitive. They were no different than what his other teammates were receiving. It was all in good fun, and Jeremy finds himself regretting the fact he missed this part of the game.

Jeremy went into his first game prepared for the worst, because it’s been nearly a year since he’s last played a hockey game, but in reality it felt shockingly normal. Jeremy wasn’t bitter he was playing college hockey, like he expected himself to be. Actually, it felt… nice. Somehow, his five minutes on the ice felt more fulfilling than the twenty-five he would be playing in the NHL. Why? Because he didn’t have a crutch, this was all him. He managed to separate himself from the Zimmermann legacy, so maybe his teammates will separate Jeremy from his mental illness if he eventually tells him. It’s nice to know he could possibly have a team to lean on in the future.

Keurig ends up scoring the winning goal and the entire team is ecstatic. Their celly made Jeremy so genuinely happy it was almost emotional overload. They won their first game of the season against Princeton, and for once since getting here, Jeremy didn’t ignore the warm feeling in his stomach, because he could admit he was happy in this moment.

***

It was Jeremy’s first Epikegster, so he didn’t want to miss it. However, he was also fully aware of the alcohol flooding the room. He’s never supposed to drink again– him being an alcoholic and all– so it’s awkward when all the other rookies are doing their first kegstand while everyone else cheers in delight. No one offers it to him, but the fact that they still could sparks his anxiety. So he fills his red plastic cup with coke and retreats to the kitchen to hide.

The public knows he’s an alcoholic, but that’s it. The public doesn’t know he has bipolar disorder, but not because he’s ashamed. Simply because it’s none of their damn business. Also, because he knows the headline would be “Jeremy Zimmermann is Bipolar” instead of “Jeremy Zimmermann has Bipolar disorder.” It’s a difference not a lot of people understand matter to Jeremy. He’s still a person, not a walking talking mental illness.

He snaps a quick picture of the living room packed with people, and sends it to his Uncle Shitty. The boys still think he’s joking around when he mentions he has an uncle named Shitty, but Jeremy thinks that’s even more funny. It’s like he has an inside joke with himself.

“Hey! It’s the hottie from the coffee shop.”

Jeremy whips around, since the voice came from behind him. That moment in itself gave him a sense of deja vu.

Ethan was grinning as he made his way over to Jeremy. “You didn’t seem like much of a party person when I last spoke to you.”

“Yeah, I forgot my red solo cup at home. Usually I bring that thing everywhere with me.” Jeremy chirps Ethan, making sure he doesn’t sound annoyed. He’s in too good of a mood to be mad at the guy anymore. He probably had things going on Jeremy didn’t know about.

Ethan laughs and hops up on the counter across from him. He still looks painfully familiar.

“Did we meet somewhere before the coffee shop?” Jeremy couldn’t help but ask.

Ethan raises an eyebrow, and his smile curls up into a flirtatious smirk. _Interesting._ “Are you flirting with me–” He pauses, a frown taking over his chiseled face. “Fuck, I didn’t even ask for your name. I’m such a dick; that’s so a thing my brother would do.”

Jeremy couldn’t help but laugh, because yeah, on top of asking a stranger to write your paper, not asking for that stranger’s name is also a douche move.

“I’m Jeremy.” Is the only thing he offers, just in case Zimmermann might give anything away. If this guy didn’t know who he was in the first place, then it is more likely than not he has no idea who Jack Zimmermann is.

“Good to know.” Ethan leans back on his hands, making the muscles on his forearms look especially nice.

Jeremy isn’t an idiot, he knows what’s going on here, because this isn’t the first time it’s happened. Jeremy has been with both guys and girls, because he frankly doesn’t care about gender when it comes to sex or romantic relationships. It’s not like he’s in the closet, either. Once, he brought his boyfriend from high school to a family reunion in Georgia. That wasn’t the most wise decision, because one of his relatives made an offhand comment of, “It must run in the family” that made Jeremy so angry he hid in a bathroom and cried for an hour.

When he got to the NHL, he just didn’t have the energy to be in a relationship other than quickies in a bar bathroom. Ever since his Papa and Kent Parson came out and opened _that_ door, the presser didn’t treat being a part of the LGBT+ community as such a “scandal” anymore. The league is still a long ways away from being entirely inclusive, but it sure isn’t as bad as it used to be. From what his parents told him, anyway.

And the truth is, Jeremy hasn’t been with anyone since the car accident. So he thinks it’s perfectly normal for him to be just slightly turned on by the man in front of him. Well, more than slightly.

After searching Jeremy’s face for any indication he would reject Ethan, he seems to get what he’s looking for, because he hops off the counter and crowds himself into Jeremy’s personal space.

“You’ve ever been with a guy before?” Ethan asks, sliding a hand up Jeremy’s bicep.

“Yup.” Is all he offers.

“Cool. I haven’t.” Ethan says nonchalantly like he’s talking about the weather before pressing his lips to Jeremy’s.

It’s extremely hesitant at first, which gives away that Ethan is a little nervous. Jeremy doesn’t rush or force anything, but when he slides his tongue along Ethan’s bottom lip as if asking for permission, Ethan pulls away.

Jeremy thinks something might be wrong, but Ethan just says “-really fucking pissed it took me this long to realize I’m gay. I blame my bigoted family.”

“Um–” Jeremy frowns but he’s instantly shut down.

“Shut up.” Ethan mutters before leaning in for another kiss. They are about the same height, so it’s easy for them to adjust themselves. Ethan surprisingly slips his tongue into Jeremy’s mouth first, and it’s such a hungry kiss Jeremy isn’t surprised he himself is intensely turned on already. When he positions his leg in between Ethan’s thighs, he feels that Ethan is pretty much on the same boat.

Ethan grinds down to get the friction his body needs, and the low moan of pleasure makes Jeremy even more turned on.

Jeremy misses the feeling of being this close to another person. He misses when someone would hold on to him for dear life, when he made someone moan or beg for more, or when someone raked their fingernails down his bare back. It made Jeremy feel useful in the best way possible. He was able to give something to someone else, and he was able to get something just as great in return.

Jeremy really didn’t want to be caught busting his load in the fucking kitchen, so he retreats from the making out to ask Ethan if he wants to go upstairs.

“Fuck yeah.” Ethan replies with enthusiasm, so the two boys race each other up the stairs. Ethan is a little playful with it, too. He grabs Jeremy’s shirt and jerks him back to get the upperhand, but suddenly stops when he realizes he has no idea where he’s going.

Once they get into his room, Jeremy locks the door behind him and turns around to see Ethan studying Jeremy’s room. “Wait– this is _your_ room? You live here?”

Jeremy blinks, still in his lustful haze. “I mean, yeah… I thought that was implied.”

“You’re a hockey player.” Ethan states, looking like he’s battling something internally. “Your last name is Zimmermann, isn’t it? Didn’t you attack the lacrosse team with a fire extinguisher?”

Jeremy didn’t see how any of this is relevant, but he also didn’t want to force Ethan to do anything he didn’t want to do just in case Ethan is stalling right now. Didn’t Ethan mention he was a lacrosse player?

“Yeah. They stole my Dad’s recipes and planned on burning them.” Jeremy defends himself, because he senses Ethan’s judgemental tone. He leans against his door, crossing his arms to portray a stance of _“what are you gonna do about it?”_

“Hmm.” Ethan just looks thoughtful now, absently glancing at the picture of Jeremy and his family on the nightstand. “Your Dad was the first out player in the NHL, right?”

“My Papa, yeah.” Jeremy’s voice sounds extremely strained, mostly because he’s waiting for Ethan to say something offensive.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Ethan frowns, instantly recognizing Jeremy’s protective tone. “That’s pretty fucking cool. My Step Dad is a dick, so.” He clears his throat, glancing everywhere around the room but Jeremy. “Do you know who my brother is?”

“No?”

Ethan glances back at Jeremy and raises an eyebrow. “My brother is Todd– well technically he’s my _half_ brother. Pretty funny story actually. My dear mother cheated on my Step Dad with their marriage councilor. Ha!”

Jeremy didn’t exactly find that to be a funny story, so he doesn’t even force himself to laugh.

Ethan continues like he didn’t say anything important. “My brother literally has a bounty on your head.”

 _Now_ Jeremy knows why Ethan looked so familiar to him. He has the same jawline and the same eyes as Todd, possibly just an inch shorter in height.

“A bounty?” Jeremy chuckles, extremely amused on how ridiculous this whole feud is. “Did you come here to kill me?”

When Ethan laughs this time, it’s a different sound. Jeremy realizes that it’s more of a genuine laugh, rather than the fake one he used a few moments prior. “Did I completely ruin the mood?” Ethan gives him an amused smile. “To be honest, I really don’t fucking care you’re a hockey player. Actually, it’s kind of hot. We’re like Romeo and Juliet.”

“They die in the end.” Jeremy can’t help but mention.

Ethan snorts and rolls his eyes. “In the name of _love_ , Jeremy. There is a difference.”

“Won’t you be blacklisted for making out with me?” Jeremy sarcastically gives him a deadpan expression.

“Won’t _you_ be blacklisted for making out with _me?”_ Ethan challenges. “The hockey team hates the lacrosse team just the same.”

Ethan jumps up to his feet to close the space between them, but stops short so they are not quite touching. He grabs the hemline of his shirt before pulling it over his head, revealing a very sexy torso. _Yes please_. “I won’t tell if you won’t.” Ethan sings, and Jeremy leans forward to place his lips on Ethan’s neck. His hand snakes around to his bare lower back, pulling him in closer. He begins sucking on the underside of Ethan’s jaw.

“Fuck.” Ethan breathes out softly, his chest rising and falling quickly as he pants.

They stumble to Jeremy’s bed, and Jeremy pulls off his t-shirt in the process. Ethan’s gaze eats him up hungrily before Jeremy is hovering over him, then moves to trailing kisses down Ethan’s stomach.

“Not to ruin the mood, but…” Jeremy trails off, giving Ethan a pointed look. It shouldn’t ruin the mood, because he was just being safe–

Ethan isn’t fazed when he responds, “I have a condom in my back pocket like a horny college student, thank you very much. Feel free to do a little extra searching while you’re at it.” A slow grin spreads across Ethan’s face and he winks, the earlier cockiness of his personality coming back.

It’s been awhile since Jeremy has given a blowjob, or has had _any_ sexual encounters, but Ethan doesn’t seem to have any complaints. Jeremy sucks him off and Ethan jerks Jeremy off, so overall it was pretty pleasant. 

Jeremy expected Ethan to escape as soon as this was finished since his brother was the captain of the lacrosse team, but he just lies beside Jeremy, staring up at the ceiling. Jeremy doesn’t mind the company, he’s missed the feeling of sleeping next to a warm body.

“So like, high key, best blowjob I’ve ever received.” Ethan says after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

“Thanks.” Jeremy laughs a little, but he doesn’t turn to look at him.

“I have a confession. I was harcore thirsting after you in our history class. You’re fucking distracting with your stupid Henlys _jesus christ.”_

Jeremy tilts his head towards Ethan and raises an eyebrow when Ethan gives him a smirk. Jeremy asks, “Is that why you wanted me to write your paper so bad?”

Jeremy must have said the wrong thing, because Ethan’s smirk disappears and his cheeks redden with embarrassment as he glances away. “No. I thought it would be a plus since you were hot, but I didn’t ask you because I wanted to get in your pants.”

Ethan doesn’t elaborate, but Jeremy still waits for it. He wants to know why Ethan was so against writing a simple research paper on his own. All they had to do was watch two movies relating to something monumental in European history, and write a paper on how accurate it was and how inaccurate. It was actually kind of fun, in Jeremy’s opinion. “Why?” Jeremy decides to make it simple, instead of saying all of those thoughts to Ethan.

 

“I’m dyslexic.” Ethan still doesn’t look at him, because his cheeks are still red with embarrassment. “My parents never really got me help, they kind of just did stuff for me. I mean I’m pretty loaded, I’m not gonna lie, so they probably just assume I’ll live off my trust fund or whatever. My brother is the real deal, you know?” Ethan sighs, finally turning to face Jeremy. “My dad the marriage counselor wanted nothing to do with me. I mean, makes sense. Imagine how much business he would lose if _that_ got out.”

Ethan seems to be doing that thing again where he turns something that makes him uncomfortable into a joke. Jeremy is no psychoanalyst, but he recognizes it as something he used to do.

“They tried to pass me off as their kid but, uh-” Ethan laughs, but it comes out a little too sharp. “-people start questioning things when your half latino and your “dad” is some big shot white guy. So I’m just kind of _there_. I’m meant to be seen not heard.” Ethan pauses before adding, “You’re welcome. You’ve heard my sob story.”

Jeremy frowns and decided to address the earlier issue in that whole story. “Being dyslexic is nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Yeah, whatever. You sound like my brother.” Ethan mutters before rolling over onto his side, studying Jeremy with a calculated expression. “I don’t really follow hockey, like at all, so what’s your deal? I know who your Dads are, because who doesn’t? But aren’t you a descendant of hockey God Bad Bob Zimmermann?”

Jeremy sighs, but he finds it easier talking to someone he barely knows than he does talking with his psychiatrist. That’s probably the same reason why Ethan told him his whole backstory. Sometimes it was nice to talk about yourself to someone who didn’t hold any bias.

“I got really fucking wasted and crashed my fancy sports car.” His tone is dripping with bitterness, so much so Ethan actually takes a few moments to respond.

“Are you… Okay?” Ethan offers, and Jeremy can tell he’s trying really hard to find the right words.

“Nope.” Jeremy says without hesitation. “And I never will be. Subject change, please.”

“Actually, I’m about ready to pass out.” Ethan goes to sit up, but Jeremy stops him against his better judgement.

“You can stay if you want, but if you don’t want people to know, you should leave in a few hours.”

“So romantic.” Ethan huffs out with a small laugh. “Who knew you were such a sweet talker?” But he slides back under the covers anyway, and rolls over towards Jeremy to invade his personal space again. “I’m a cuddler, Zimmermann.”

“Goodie.” Jeremy’s eyes slip closed and he falls asleep soundlessly.

When he wakes up in the morning, his bed is empty and his room smells faintly of axe body spray. _Fucking lacrosse players_ , Jeremy thinks to himself with a fond smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay y’all I really hope that was worth the wait and I exceeded your expectations  
> There will be more about the actual team next time bc it’s parents weekend (get rekt) but I gotta set things up with good ol’ Ethan


	3. Something To Lose

**_Jeremy - 13 Years Old_ **

 

_ He called Aria, because he didn’t want his parents to pick him up from yet another sleepover. Jeremy always insisted on sleepovers, even when his parents advised him against it for this exact reason. As he’s gotten older he’s been fine, but tonight was just not working in his favor. _

 

_ Jeremy spent at least twenty minutes in Alex Callon’s bathroom dealing with an anxiety attack before he texted his sister to pick him up. Alex is his best friend, but that isn’t enough. Sleeping in an unfamiliar environment leaves him feeling vulnerable, which is extremely terrifying.  _

 

_ Alex says his goodbyes with no hard feelings as his sister thanks Alex’s parents and helps Jeremy bring his overnight bag to the car. Jeremy hops into the passenger side as Aria slides into the driver’s seat. She doesn’t say anything. She just drives, but not towards their house. It’s not a large area, so it’s easy to recognize the route she’s taking is to Rita’s Ice Cream.  _

 

_ Since Aria is eighteen, she’ll be heading to college in a few months. New York City isn’t too far away, but obviously it’s not close enough for Jeremy to call her and have her save the day. That thought alone is also terrifying, so he tries not to cry as he looks out the window and be a baby about it. However, that’s not how his anxiety disorder works. If that’s what this even is. Sometimes Jeremy feels like there are a million things wrong with him, while sometimes he feels like he’s perfectly fine.  _

 

_ Aria parks a little ways away from the small Rita’s and simply sits with him in the car. She waits a few moments before speaking.  _

 

_ “What’s up, buddy?” Her voice is filled with concern. “It’s been a long time since I’ve had to pick you up.”  _

 

_ He doesn’t answer right away, he just turns to look at her. Aria recently just cut her dark hair so it lands just above her shoulders. She cut it for college, which is just another reminder of why he is upset in the first place.  _

 

_ “I don’t want you to go to New York. Why can’t you just go to Samwell like Dads?” Jeremy’s voice doesn’t waver. In fact, even though he feels like sobbing, his voice is firm.  _

 

_ Aria lets out a long breath like she’s stalling and trying to come up with an answer. When she finally does talk, there is a small smile on her face like she thinks something is funny. That just makes Jeremy angry. “Their dance program isn’t as good as the one at Juilliard. I know you know that--” _

 

_ “You only got in because your last name is Zimmermann.” Jeremy is lashing out again, and the look on his sister’s face after his comment causes him to finally start crying. He feels absolutely terrible, and at this point he just wants to go home. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.” He barely gets the words out. _

 

_ “Jeremy.” She says softly, but doesn’t move to touch him. Aria knows by now that physical contact isn’t what he wants nor needs right now.  _

 

_ “Hey, listen to me.” Her voice is more demanding, so Jeremy does his best to do as she says. “I will always be a phone call away. Or FaceTime. Or Skype. Even if I’m in the middle of a class, I’ll pick up. Okay?”  _

 

_ Jeremy wipes at his face with a little embarrassment, because he hates feeling like a little kid. He’s thirteen now. When he speaks, his voice is small. “Even if you’re in the middle of a performance?”  _

 

_ She gives him a bright smile and it’s genuine, so Jeremy has no choice but to believe her. “Even if I’m in the middle of an arabesque.”  _

 

_ When the Zimmermanns eventually do see their daughter off to college, it’s extremely emotional. Her dorm room is small, but the way she decorated it makes it look like a little piece of home. Jeremy and his parents are led to the car by Aria, and there’s a moment of silence before she speaks. _

 

_ “Well, uh, this is it.” Aria hugs herself a little and avoids all of their eyes. Jeremy knows she’s trying not to cry, so he helps her a little by stepping up and throwing his arms around her. Jeremy is pretty tall after his growth spurt, so his chin comes up to her shoulder. Aria is pretty tall herself, so that’s saying a lot.  _

 

_ “Bye, Jer.” Aria squeezes him so tight he almost can’t breathe. “Don’t forget that you can call me whenever you want. I mean it.” _

 

_ “I know.” When Jeremy pulls back, he gives her a reassuring smile. He’s not exactly upset anymore, he’s actually proud of how far his sister has made it on her own. Hockey has nothing to do with the path Aria chose, so whatever she’s accomplished and will accomplish will be all on her own. Jeremy can’t exactly say the same.  _

 

_ His Dad cries as he hugs her, which is expected. His Dad once cried because Jeremy broke a finger and since Papa was away, his Dad had to come with him to the emergency room. However, the way he clings to her is something new. Like he’s losing something. Jeremy wants to tell them that she’s just moving on, and that they aren’t actually losing her for good. But that isn’t going to help them right now, so he keeps his mouth shut. _

 

_ “We are so proud of you, honey.” His Dad says as he steps away, swiping a hand across his face to brush away the tears. _

 

_ The second thing that shocks him is seeing his Papa cry. He knows his Papa has cried before, he’s only human. But Jeremy has never actually seen it in person. They are silent tears that trail down his face as he opens his arms and Aria steps into them. _

 

_ Jeremy doesn’t experience the same tender moment with his parents when he goes through the draft. It’s not their fault, though. His parents try to tell him they are so proud, and that they can’t wait for him to do great things, but it never quite meets their eyes. At the time, Jeremy doesn’t realize that it wasn’t disappointment they were trying to hide. It was fear.  _

 

_ And they were right to feel that way, because the second time he sees his Papa cry and his Dad cling to someone for dear life like he’s losing something, it’s in a hospital room. Because unlike Aria going off to college, they almost did lose something.  _

 

****

“Alright, you academic delinquents.” Keurig skates in front of them all as they are lined up to face their captain. “Our next game is an away game, so make sure to see all your teachers to keep up with school work.” 

 

When Keurig lined them all up to have a ‘serious talk’, academics was the last thing Jeremy thought he would be getting a lecture on. He expected maybe “pick up the pace” or “don’t slack off”, but no. Keurig is concerned for all of their academic performances, because “School comes first you fucks.” 

 

Whatever “transcending” Rusty did with Keurig must have worked, because now Keurig is back to his normal self. 

 

Jeremy takes Keurig’s advice and sees a few teachers, just so he wouldn’t fall behind. This college was supposed to be a detour, but Jeremy couldn’t  _ not _ care about getting decent grades. His Dads have expectations of him, after all. Besides, falling behind on anything in general will stress him out to the point of an anxiety attack, and so far, he’s only had one of those this week. 

 

As Jeremy walks along campus and heads to Annie’s for another drink his Dad suggested he try, his phone rings and scares the crap out of him. The afternoons were relatively quiet. 

 

However, It was his sister so he made sure to answer it. 

 

“Hey stranger.” She greets him with a slight edge to her voice. 

 

“Hey…” Jeremy trails off, and sits down on the nearest bench. Usually he texted Aria everyday, even if it was something stupid like receiving a meme from her, but they rarely called each other unless Skyping counts. 

 

There’s a long sigh before she elaborates. “So. Baby bro. I am calling because I love you and I  _ know _ you.”

 

“What happened?” Jeremy’s heart rate picks up, awaiting the worst case scenario.

 

“Don’t look at your NHL app. Or any sports news website things.” Aria tries to lift her voice, like it has the power to lift the mood. “It’s not about you, Jer, so don’t worry about it. I just don’t want you getting upset, because you will. I would feel like an asshole if I didn’t say anything, because I know you constantly check sports media.”

 

“Aria, you’re being really vague.” Jeremy says, sounding a bit annoyed. Well, he is more than a bit annoyed. He’s still about ready to have a heart attack. “Did something happen between Papa and Dad?” 

 

“No, don’t worry about it.” Aria assures him with confidence. “Give it two hours, okay? Then it’ll no longer be on the front page and you can ignore it.”

 

Even though Jeremy is still slightly irritated, he’s glad she warned him, because he does in fact check the app regularly. Being caught off guard never worked out well for him.

 

It took almost everything he had, but he listens to Aria. He was doing pretty great by his standards, and he didn’t want something as stupid as an article to mess it up. 

 

He still goes to Annie’s to get a head start on his work, because he knows he’s not getting it done on the bus. He made that mistake on their first roadie, and Caleb wouldn’t stop talking about the Mandela Effect (he went on about it for two hours straight). Then Jeremy had to cram in an assignment due for calculous the day he got back on the ride home, only because they left early and Caleb was too tired to talk about his conspiracies. 

 

It’s like the universe is trying to punish him for being a good student, because the chair across from him is suddenly occupied. He glances up to see Ethan Bourgeois giving him a cocky smirk. 

 

“Hey there hottie, you come here often?” 

 

Jeremy sighs and closes his laptop, full well knowing he is going to get nothing done while Ethan is here. 

 

“I’m not writing your paper.” Is the first thing Jeremy says to him, but there’s also a small smile on his face as he says it. 

 

Jeremy only notices there are three cups of coffee on the table when Ethan slides him a new one. “I bought this as a way to court you.” 

 

“I already have one.” Jeremy points out, but takes it anyway. No one outside his family has ever given him something without asking for something else in return, so he waits for the proposition.

 

“I’m kidding about the courting thing. You look spooked.” Ethan’s voice grows serious as he spins his cup around. “I’m actually here to apologize for asking you to write my paper in the first place. It wasn’t cool. I was just desperate.” 

 

Jeremy sighs and takes a sip of the coffee Ethan bought for him and fixes him with a look of understanding. “It’s okay. I’ve actually thought a lot about it, after I sucked your dick and all.”

 

Ethan snorts at this in an attempt to play it off, but Jeremy still notices the small amount of color painting his cheeks.

 

“I won’t write your paper  _ for _ you, but I’ll help you. Then you have to promise to go to the learning center and ask for help, because I did some research on it--”

 

“You did research.” Ethan raises an eyebrow, looking offended. 

 

“Wipe that look off your face.” Jeremy cuts him off before Ethan could finish any other thoughts. “Yes, I did research. It didn’t take much. Anyway, the learning center here is rated number thirty in the country. So, to clarify, I’ll help you write your paper if you go.”

 

Ethan just looks at him with a blank expression, which bothers Jeremy because he can’t get a read on him. Eventually, Ethan clears his throat and looks down at his untouched coffee. “That’s a really nice fucking thing to do for such a sloppy handjob.” There’s a hint of a smile on Ethan’s face.

 

“Your brother is evil-” Jeremy says, “-but you’re alright, I guess.” 

 

“Shut up, Zimmermann. I know you used to sport a man bun. I googled you. I can and  _ will _ expose you, you retired hipster.” 

 

“Go ahead. I looked fucking fantastic.”

 

When Ethan leaves, Jeremy is left with his number and a set time and date they will meet so he can help Ethan with his paper. It isn’t until later that Jeremy is hit with the sudden realization that that is the first time in a long time he acted like his old self. The old self he missed, anyway.

 

***

 

When Jeremy wakes up the morning of parents weekend, he feels more nervous than he should. His Dads haven’t seen him play competitive hockey since the last game he played in the playoffs; which was the night they got eliminated and also the following morning he almost died in a car accident. 

 

They are playing Boston University tonight, which puts just a little more pressure on things since Boston hockey is known to be the best. He knows his parents don’t care if Samwell wins or loses to the extent they would be disappointed in Jeremy. It’s how  _ he _ feels that causes him to be anxious. 

 

The nerves in his stomach make him cold, so he puts on a sweater under his jacket before he meets Rusty downstairs before walking to team breakfast. He doesn’t eat, and he does try, but every time he swallows he feels like throwing up so he just gives up. 

 

“You okay?” Keurig asks from the end of the table. He looks concerned, like any good captain would. 

 

“Yeah. I’m just not hungry.” Jeremy  _ is _ telling the truth.

 

Arrow responds to that before Keurig can, with a mouth full of food nonetheless. “Dude, you gotta eat breakfast. It’s the most important meal of the day!”

 

“And we have a game tonight.” Keurig points out in a tone that offers no argument. “You’re going to regret it later.” 

 

He wants to tell his team that there are times where his body physically can’t do simple things. Like eat, for example. However, that would lead into a new conversation and one of his biggest fears is people treating him differently after they find out he has bipolar disorder. 

 

Which is why he doesn’t say anything else, and takes small bites and tries to keep it down. When his phone rings and he sees it’s his Dad calling, he’s filled with relief because he can take a break from eating and talk to him. He answers it with shaking hands and exits the dining hall so he can have more privacy.

 

“Hey, Dad.” Jeremy greets with a smile on his face, even though his Dad couldn’t see it.

 

“Hey there, Honey!” His Dad says cheerfully on the other end. “I know you don’t want your parents embarrassing you, so tell us where you want to meet.” 

 

“You’re not embarrassing. You should come to the Haus and I’ll give you a tour. It’ll be fun.” Jeremy insists, and the urgency in his tone must have caught his Dad’s attention, because his voice is wary when he responds.

 

“Alright, Jeremy. Are you sure? We can always meet at Faber.”

 

“I’ll show you Faber too. It hasn’t changed much, though. Except for maybe Papa’s photo right outside the arena.” Jeremy pauses before he adds, “He’s by the snack booth.”

 

There’s a soft laugh on the other end, and it’s so fond Jeremy wonders why he ever feels like a disappointment to them. “Okay, Honey. We’ll meet you at the Haus. We’ll be there in a half hour.” 

 

When Jeremy returns to their table, not a lot of guys are left. They probably went to go meet up with their families. Which is why it’s easy to notice that Seltzer took most of Jeremy’s breakfast off his tray and put it on his own. Jeremy gives him a look of confusion, and Seltzer gives Jeremy a look of understanding in return. 

 

Between Seltzer and Johnson, Jeremy doesn’t know which one is more of a cryptid. 

 

While he waits for his parents at the Haus, he actually makes a pie for when they arrive. It’s not too hard, it’s only apple, and he’s practically been baking since he came out the womb.

 

It’s weird when the Haus is empty, because usually it’s so full of noise and constant action. He has a few texts from Ethan, but they are just Kermit the frog memes that don’t make any sense. 

 

Jeremy sprints to the door when he gets the text message from his parents that they are there. He opens the door to see the bright smile of his Dad and the softer smile on his Papa. He’s basically an adult, but he crushes them each in a hug like he’s a teenager again. 

 

“I missed you guys.” Jeremy says when he steps back.

 

“We missed you too.” His Papa responds while squeezing his shoulder. “Aria will be here a bit later with Noah.”

 

Jeremy frowns at that before asking, “Doesn’t she have Dancing With the Stars tonight?”

 

“It’s the beginning of the season so she asked to be moved to tomorrow night’s episode.” His Dad explains. “She wanted to see you play tonight.” 

 

It’s moments like these when he wonders why he ever felt alone. It’s also frustrating, because if his old self just realized he had all this support, Jeremy would still be playing for the Coyotes. However, his therapist also reminds him that Jeremy is never aware when he’s in a manic state, so it would be nearly impossible to change the past even if Jeremy was more aware. It’s also not good to dwell on the past either.

 

He gives his parents a tour of the Haus, but when he shows his Dads the bedroom, His Dad looks like he’s about to cry.

 

“Dad?” Jeremy gives him a look of concern, and his Dad just waves it off.

 

“I’m being emotional and silly. This was my room, that’s all. Also, the only thing you decorated this room with was a picture of your family and that’s kind of getting to me too, because oh Lord is that just the sweetest thing--” 

 

His Dad’s rambling is cut off when his Papa puts his arm around him. “You take after me, and we both know it, so your Dad has some things from your room back home in the trunk. He suspected this might happen.”

 

The Haus is still empty as his Dad hangs an Arizona Coyotes flag above his dresser, and his Papa hangs an obnoxious old poster of himself beside Jeremy’s bed. His Dad looks young in the poster, and it lost a lot of its color from years of being hit by the sunlight in Jeremy’s old room. Still, Jeremy appreciates the new additions to his room. His Dad even brought an old stuffed fox that Jeremy would bring everywhere with him when he was younger. 

 

“You kept him?” Jeremy smiles, looking at the small animal leaning against his pillows.

 

His Dad has a triumphant smile on his face. “You think I’d get rid of Happy? No way. Have more faith in your old man.” 

 

Jeremy takes them to Faber, but they don’t exactly need a tour. He even takes them out onto the ice, even though it’s dangerous without skates. He makes up an excuse to leave them alone for a little bit, because he could see his parents were feeling nostalgic. When Jeremy pops out from the tunnel to check on them, those two are in their own world, looking as in love as always. Jeremy doesn’t mind waiting for them to notice how long it’s been and go searching for their son. He wants them to have this, so he waits.

 

***

They lose. 

 

It’s their first loss of the season, so no one is too upset about it. Well, except for Jeremy. It’s not like he lashed out like he probably would have used to, but his uncanny silence was a strong indicator that he was upset. He knows he’s not as good of a player as he used to be, either because he now didn’t rely on his mania to make him a braver player, or because it’s been a while. Either way, he knows he will never be as talented as he was before the accident. Today’s loss was like a bitter-sweet wakeup call.

 

He feels someone sit beside him as he’s lacing up his sneakers. When he glances over, he’s surprised to see Arrow, who is also giving him a knowing look. “Hey man, I know it sucks. Especially since all of our parental figures are here and shit. Of course the game to break our winning streak has to be the one on parents weekend.” 

 

Jeremy gives him a small smile, not quite wanting to respond. Arrow is right, so Jeremy couldn’t really argue anything. They played their best, but sometimes that just isn’t good enough. Jeremy is well aware of this, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. He knows it’s just a game, but it’s his first loss. It’s the first game since the accident that his parents came down to see and they  _ lost _ . 

 

He says a little of this to Arrow, “It’s their first game seeing me play as a “healthy individual” probably since I was in the eighth grade. And I lost.”

 

Arrow now gives him a look of disapproval.  _ “We _ lost, Jeremy. You know, my Aunt was here tonight. I’m from California, so it’s expensive for her to fly down here and see me play. She came all the way down here to see a losing game, but you know what? At least she got to see me play at all and now we get to spend two days together. That’s pretty freaking great.”

 

Jeremy can’t help but notice that Arrow doesn’t mention anything about his parents. He remembers Arrow referring to them in the past tense, which is a big red flag that tells Jeremy not to ask about it until Arrow offers. “What’s your point?” 

 

Arrow gives him a happy smile as he squeezes his shoulder. “My point is that you can’t always win, my friend. But there’s always a silver lining. I bet your Dads were so fucking happy to see you playing again, that they don’t even remember the score. Now they get to spend a bucket load of time with you, and I know at least for my Aunt that’s all she really needs. This game is just a small part of parents weekend, not the whole thing.” 

 

Arrow makes two valid points that actually make Jeremy feel a lot better. He loved his team back in Arizona, but they all had their own shit to worry about, so no one really bothered with each other outside of the sport. Arrow barely knows Jeremy, yet he still noticed he was upset and then actually made an attempt at comforting him. He’s never experienced this level of support before. All Jeremy can manage is, “Thank you.” 

 

“No problem, bro. We all got each other’s backs. Remember that.” Arrow holds out a fist, so Jeremy has no choice but to bump it against his own. 

 

Jeremy finishes cleaning up and throws his bag over his shoulder. Before leaving he says, “My parents want to meet y’all, if that’s okay.” 

 

“Oh shit, sweet.” Weezer beams at him. “I’m ready to meet the famous Zimmermann fam. Fucking iconic.”

 

“He just wants to meet your sister.” Arrow interjects. “He’s a huge DWTS fan. Forget about the Stanley Cup, this dude only cares about the Mirrorball Trophy.” 

 

Weezer looks incredibly embarrassed that his friend just called him out, so he tries to cover it up. “No way. I fucking love Playoff season.”

 

“Who won the cup last year?” Rusty joins in on the fun with a cocky smirk on his face.

 

Weezer is now caught off guard by the question. “An NHL team, man. Besides, your sister is hot.”

 

Jeremy knows he’s just trying to save himself, so he’s not uncomfortable. In fact, he even has a small smile on his face. “She’s married, Weezer. You’re gonna have to compete with a Parson and they are really fucking stubborn.” 

 

Everyone laughs at that and also at the fact Weezer looks about ready to crawl under a rock. Jeremy doesn’t think there has ever been a time he made his teammates laugh right after a hard loss. 

 

When Jeremy exits the locker room, his Papa is leaning against the far wall waiting for him. When his Papa sees him and lights up with the look of pride and joy, Jeremy realizes that Arrow was right. The game he just played really didn’t matter that much to his Papa.

 

“Hey, bud!” His Papa pulls him into one of his famous bear hugs before ruffling his hair as he detaches himself from Jeremy. “I haven’t seen you play like that in a long time. You were amazing out there.”

 

“Thanks, Papa.” Jeremy looks down at his feet, a trait he probably did get from his Papa whenever they were complimented. 

 

“Your Dad and sister are right outside.” His Papa throws an arm around him and steers him down the tunnel and towards the main entrance. “Are you up for dinner at the Haus? Your Dad wasn’t sure if you’d be embarrassed having your parents there to cook for you and your teammates--”

 

This immediately piques Jeremy’s mood. “Are you kidding? I miss Dad’s cooking the most. They would love to meet you two.”

 

His Papa laughs as he pulls him in close and shakes his shoulders a little. As they turn the corner he sees his Dad, Aria and her husband. Noah would look intimidating to someone who doesn’t know him, only because he _ is _ the son of Alexei Mashkov and the genes to be built like the fucking Terminator were certainly passed down to his two sons. He has broad shoulders and brown hair just like his brother and father, but the only difference is that he’s not a hockey player and he’s probably one of the smartest people Jeremy knows. He’s also practically family to Jeremy, unlike the rest of the Parsons. 

 

His Dad lights up when he sees him, and Jeremy can’t help but rush to meet his family. His Dad pats both of his cheeks with affection as he gives Jeremy a bright smile. “I think you may be faster than me, Jeremy.” 

 

“No one is faster than you, Dad.” Jeremy laughs as his Dad rolls his eyes. 

 

“Stop flattering me. I already baked you enough desserts to last several years.” 

 

“Awesome job, Jeremy.” Noah awaits a fist bump, so Jeremy gives him one. 

 

“It’s parents weekend, guys. Not family weekend.” Jeremy says, but he’s not upset about the company at all. In fact, he’s missed the company of his family. 

 

“Don’t tell me when to visit you.” Aria wraps him in a tight hug. “If I do well this year, I’ll be working non stop and I’ll hardly have any time to come visit you.” 

 

“I know.” Jeremy says quietly, not really wanting to let go when she pulls back. “Hey, aren’t you working with that pop star this year?” 

 

Aria sighs and her shoulders sag. “Oh yeah, and let me tell you, he’s a  _ brat _ . Although, he’s more flexible than the NHL player I had last year, so maybe I’ll win for the first time.” Her voice has an undertone of excitement, and Jeremy suddenly feels guilty for not exactly tuning in when  _ Dancing With The Stars _ is on.

 

“I always vote for you.” Jeremy tells her, which is true. Even when he went through his phase of being so jealous of her he didn’t call for a month, he always supported her. 

 

They head back to the Haus, where a handful of the guys are waiting. Jeremy texted the group that his parents were cooking dinner for anyone who wanted to come over, and he was pleased to see most of the hockey team there. Even though he is a little disappointed Arrow isn’t here since he wants his parents to meet him, he understands why. He remembers Arrow telling him he was taking his Aunt out for dinner after the game. 

 

When his parents introduced themselves, the introductions between the them and his teammates were hysterical. Especially when Weezer met his sister. 

 

“So like,  _ huge _ fan.” Weezer shakes her hand as Keurig gives him a knowing look. 

 

“It looks like you’re about to cry.” Keurig points out just to embarrass him, but it doesn’t exactly phase Weezer at all. 

 

“I’m Jacob Weasley.” He says as she pulls her hand away with a laugh.

 

“He used the full name on me. I feel honored.” Aria says. 

 

After a few more introductions, his Dads disappear into the kitchen while everyone settles in the living room. There’s too many people and not enough seats, so Jeremy sits on the floor and watches as his sister beats everyone at  _ Mario Kart _ . 

 

“Your Dads are really proud of you, Jeremy.” Noah says beside him. Unlike his brother, Noah doesn’t sound Russian at all. Jeremy is aware that Liam Parson may play up the accent just because that’s the type of person he is, but they both speak fluently so Liam isn’t a total fake. He doesn’t think that Alexei Mashkov would ever let his boys forget where they come from, even if it’s hard sometimes.

 

“Thanks, Noah.” Jeremy doesn’t look at him, he just watches everyone cheer as Aria beats Seltzer in another round of  _ Mario Kart. _

 

“I’m proud of you too.” Noah squeezes his shoulder with affection. “You don’t realize it yet, but you’ve come such a long way than when I last saw you in person.” 

 

“That was like, two months ago.” Jeremy frowns, finally turning to face him. “How much could I have possibly changed?”

 

Noah lets his hand drop and gives him a knowing look. “You smiled and laughed more times today than all the years I’ve known you put together. That’s saying a lot, Jeremy. I’m glad you like it here.” 

 

“When you went to Samwell for undergrad, was it always this… weird?” Jeremy couldn’t help but ask, and the question makes Noah laugh. 

 

 

“Weird? Oh yeah. Where most of my best memories are too? Hell yeah.” 

 

Jeremy doesn’t answer right away, he just picks at the carpet to buy himself a little time before speaking honestly. “I guess I’m not  _ entirely _ enjoying myself because I’m expecting some scout to whisk me back to the NHL like a knight in shining armor.” He sighs before adding, “My parents want me to find  _ something _ here, but I don’t know what they think I’ll find.” 

 

“You have the rest of the year, or possibly the rest of four years if you’re up to it.” Noah reassures him. “That is plenty of time. If you don’t find what you need, then you move on and look somewhere else. That’s all anyone can ask of you.” He’s only three years older than Jeremy, but sometimes Noah acts older than that. 

 

Aria must crush another victim, because everyone in the living room shouts as Stud drops his head in his hands in defeat. 

 

“Seems like you need to be dethroned!” Noah shouts at her from their place next to the couch. 

 

Aria glances back to narrow her eyes at him. “Are you challenging me? Because I’ll crush you too.”

 

“Keep your head up, Jer.” Noah ruffles his hair, causing Jeremy to swat his hand away in protest. Noah just laughs at his reaction as he plops down next to Aria. 

 

“May God help you, man.” Stud says as he hands him the controller.

 

“I’ve beaten you for the last four years of our marriage, I’m not ending the streak now.” Aria knocks her shoulder into his, and he returns the favor. 

 

“There’s a first for everything.” Noah says as the television begins to count down.

 

Noach ends up losing, and after three more rounds, Aria remains the champion as they settle for dinner. It’s wonderful as always, and a taste of home Jeremy didn’t know he needed. He also takes into account what Noah told him earlier, about leaving in a year if he doesn’t find what the hell his parents think he will. Just because this school helped his Papa, doesn’t mean he’ll have the same experience. He still wants to play professional hockey, but that’s looking more and more like a dream that won’t come true. 

 

However, for once in his life, he focuses on what’s happening  _ now _ instead of worrying about the unknown of the future.

 

***

Jeremy hasn’t felt this high on happiness in a long time and it feels great. His parents and his sister loved his teammates. His Dad really liked Rusty the most while his Papa liked Keurig the most. Jeremy doesn’t exactly know why, but his parents always choose favorites when it comes to his friends. His sister, of course, liked Weezer the most. Jeremy is just happy his parents weren’t disappointed with the team. When his Dad left and told all of them they are ‘A fine group of young men’ Stud almost burst into tears. 

 

His emotions are kind of in overdrive right now, so he can’t exactly fall asleep. He stays up to watch highlights of the Coyotes’ game last night. 

 

Something hard hits his window, causing him to jump at the sudden loud noise. Jeremy assumes it’s a large bug or something, but then it happens again so he gets up to check exactly what it is. When he opens it, a lacrosse ball nearly hits him in the face as it whizzes past his head and lands with a thump onto his carpet. 

 

“Ethan?” Jeremy sees him with a lacrosse stick in his hand, looking up at Jeremy’s window.

 

“Isn’t this romantic? JULIET OH JULIET- oh wait that’s not right.” His words are slurred a little bit, which is the second red light of this whole situation. 

 

“Are you drunk?” Jeremy is growing increasingly concerned. 

 

“A lil’.” Ethan drops his lacrosse stick and walks over towards the tree by his window. Then he begins to climb the tree that will lead him to the roof of the Haus and through Jeremy’s open window. 

 

“Wait!” Jeremy shouts, causing Ethan to momentarily pause his climbing. “You’re going to get yourself killed. Just meet me by the front door.” 

 

Ethan gasps dramatically, but he lets go of the tree. “But that’s forbidden!” 

 

Jeremy rolls his eyes, but he quickly runs down the stairs before Ethan can do anything else that puts him in danger of hurting himself. No one is up since it’s four in the morning, so no one asks where he’s going.

 

Ethan stands there without his lacrosse stick, looking tired and a little flushed. 

 

“What’s wrong?” Jeremy asks as Ethan lets himself in. Even while drunk, Ethan seems to remember where Jeremy’s room is, because instead of Jeremy leading the way Ethan just heads straight towards his room. When Jeremy closes the bedroom door behind him, Ethan collapses on his bed face first with a garbled moan. 

 

“I hate parents weekend.” Ethan says into the comforter, making his voice muffled. “I hate it so much.” 

 

Jeremy remembers Ethan telling him about his parents, and how Ethan said he was supposed to be seen not heard. It was probably really hard for him to see his parents today, and Jeremy kind of felt bad for not calling him. However, it’s not like they are best friends. He hardly knows this guy and his brother is an asshole. Although, Noah’s brother is an asshole too and those two are nothing alike. 

 

Jeremy climbs onto his bed and leans against the headboard while crossing his legs. He waits for Ethan to say something, but when he remains silent, Jeremy asks, “Are you still awake?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jeremy tries. 

 

“No.” 

 

Jeremy hears a sniffle, so he takes it upon himself to gently roll Ethan onto his back. He’s not met with any resistance. 

 

“Is there someone you want me to call?” Jeremy takes a new approach. This guy had to have a better friend on the lacrosse team he probably would want to talk to. 

 

“Why is it no matter what I do, it’s never enough?” Ethan says again, looking up at Jeremy’s ceiling. “I understand why my dad hates me, but why my mom? It’s her fault i’m here in the first place.”

 

And that really tugs at Jeremy, because he remembers when he felt like that. He didn’t exactly feel like his parents hated him, but thinking he was a constant disappointment isn’t a pleasant feeling either. 

 

“Ethan…”

 

“And like, I get that Todd is their golden boy and he means everything to them and he’s just perfect in every way… But i’m here too and kids don’t come with a receipt but sometimes I wish I did and most times I wish my dad just wanted me and not my mom because i’m pretty sure i’m the biggest regret of her life.”

 

Ethan isn’t crying, but he looks like he’s about to. His eyes are already bloodshot and Jeremy realizes that Ethan has probably already cried his eyes out and he just has nothing left to give. Which makes Jeremy want to cry, because no one deserved to be neglected like this by their parents. It’s why he isn’t exactly warm to his grandparents from Georgia, because they only contacted his Dad again after years of radio silence once they found out he had a son that looked just like him. He can’t hate them, because when his Dad finally heard from them again he was so happy… But he also can’t love them either. 

 

“And I can’t hate my brother.” Ethan continues, so Jeremy remains silent until he feels Ethan wants him to speak. “I can’t hate him or be jealous of him, because I’m also pretty sure he’s the only person who cares if I’m breathing or not. And yeah, I get he’s an asshole and it was a pretty shitty move of him to steal your dad’s recipes just so he could burn them, but he’s not  _ always _ an asshole.”

 

Jeremy waits for Ethan to continue and thinks that maybe Ethan forgot he was even there, but he turns his head and looks at Jeremy like he’s waiting for a response. 

 

“Okay. He’s not always an asshole.” Is the only thing Jeremy can think of to say, but it must please Ethan, because he rolls towards Jeremy and rests his head by Jeremy’s knee. Jeremy impulsively hands him his stuffed fox, which Ethan takes without question. 

 

With Ethan’s other hand, he reaches up and pats his knee. “How can you be so hot and adorable at the same time like _what_ _the hell is that._ I’m going to regret coming here in the morning so fucking bad, I mean, if I even remember this conversation. But right now the company is nice and you’re nice to look at.” 

 

Ethan’s personality peeps out a little with that comment, so Jeremy takes that as a win. 

 

“Tonight,” Ethan says, closing his eyes and forgetting his hand was still on Jeremy’s knee. “I went to dinner with my parents, and they treated me like I wasn’t even there. It’s usually happened in the past, but tonight was worse because I thought that having me gone would make them realize they miss me and maybe my mom would want to know what I’ve been up to… But they only focused on Todd, as usual. Todd tried to tie me into the conversation, but of course that didn’t work. I know he felt horrible about the night, which is why I’m kind of here right now, because I told him I was fine and I don’t want him to know I’m not fine, because then he would just tell my parents and it would make things worse because they wouldn’t even care that they hurt my feelings, which would then be another wake up call to how little I mean to them.” Ethan says this all in one breath, which is impressive for someone who looks about ready to pass out. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Is all Jeremy is able to offer. 

 

“Remember when I told you I was a cuddler?” Ethan looks up at him like he’s suspecting something from him. Jeremy just sighs loudly so Ethan knows how annoyed he is with this. However, he puts his laptop on his desk and pulls back the covers so Ethan can settle under them. Jeremy switches off the lamp before joining him. Ethan lays on his side, which saves Jeremy the trouble of doing it himself. He didn’t want Ethan choking on his own vomit.

 

There’s a long stretch of silence before Jeremy says, “Ethan,” he doesn’t turn his head to face him. “I care if you’re breathing or not. So. Stop saying things like that, okay?” 

 

“Yeah, okay. I was just being dramatic.” There’s a loud yawn before an arm is thrown over Jeremy’s torso. It lands right on his stomach, making him puff out a large breath of air. 

 

“Can you move your arm?” 

 

Ethan doesn’t respond nor make any motion to move, which means he was sound asleep. 

 

“Fucking lacrosse players.” Jeremy mutters softly, adjusting Ethan’s arm so it’s not affecting his breathing anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I so happy you guys enjoy this as much as I enjoy writing it :) Your comments always make me happy so thanks for them, even when I don't answer because I'm really freaking awkward


	4. Spitting Image

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm so inconsistent with the posting! Sometimes I get writer's block but I always come back lol. Anyway, thanks for all the awesome comments they really mean a lot <3

**Jeremy - 5 years old**

 

_ “You finally brought itty bitty, Zimmboni!” Tater bellowed from across the ice. _

 

_ Jeremy wouldn’t step onto the ice for the life of him. Aria loved coming to family skate, because she was friends with some of the other kids her age. Eric was out of town for the weekend to visit his grandma in Georgia, who wasn’t doing well at all. He went alone for obvious reasons. _

 

_ While Aria skated around with no problem, Jack remained with his son by the entrance to the ice. Jeremy was hugging the door, refusing to step onto the ice even with his two-bladed skates. _

 

_ “Come on, bud.” Jack offered him a hand to hold onto, but he just shifted his glare from the ice to Jack’s hand.  _

 

_ “Having trouble there, Zimms?” Kent skates up next to him with an amused expression on his face.  _

 

_ Kent retired last year because of an awful injury, so he moved to Providence to be with his twins and husband. For Jack, it’s been a bit strange running into Kent at the grocery store or while he’s on a run. Kent was always far away in Vegas while Jack only saw him a couple times a year, because the rest was understandably spent with his family. _

 

_ “It was easier when he was a baby and he didn’t know what was going on.” Jack frowns at Jeremy’s suspicious expression directed at the ice.  _

 

_ “That’s so freaky.” Kent says almost out of the blue, studying Jeremy with a curious expression. _

 

_ “That is was easier when he was a baby?” Jack tries, but he also knows that’s not what Kent was referring to.  _

 

_ “No, the fact he looks like you went back in time and brought back a little Eric Bittle to the future.” _

 

_ Jack can’t help but look at his son with a fond expression, because it’s very true. “Yeah I know. He’s freaking adorable.”  _

 

_ This catches Jeremy’s attention, because he stops looking at the ice and stares at both of them. “Hi Mr. Parson.”  _

 

_ “No accent, though. There’s a difference.” Kent points out before patting Jeremy’s head lightly. “Hey there, itty bitty. Why aren’t you skating?”  _

 

_ “Because I’ll die.” He answers easily, like it’s fact.  _

 

_ “I’m not so sure about that.” Kent laughs. “You’re father is a professional. You should trust him.” _

 

_ “I do.” He scrunches up his nose like Kent offended him. “I just don’t wanna die.” _

 

_ One of Kent’s sons, Liam, skates up next to his Dad and tugs on his hand. “I’ll race you.”  _

 

_ “You’ll win.” Kent laughs as Liam gets in position like he’s about to run on a track. “I don’t see the point.”  _

 

_ “You still have to try.” Liam points out, which causes Kent to give him a look of endearment Jack has never seen on his face before.  _

 

_ Once they were off and Liam was racing down the ice, Jack poured his focus back onto his son. At the time, Jack didn’t realize how observant Jeremy was or what experiences he held onto. Jeremy stepped onto the ice with a new and sudden determination. Jack offered to help him, but he only ignored his hand. Jeremy slipped and fell as soon as he was on the ice, but he didn’t cry. He didn’t try to get up either, he was just glaring at the space in front of him. _

 

_ “Jeremy,” Jack said gently, kneeling next to him. “We can go home, okay? If you don’t want to do this, then we will go home.” _

 

_ “No.” Jeremy pushed himself up and refused Jack’s assistance again, which only worried him more. Jeremy typically never refused Jack and he sure has never had that look on his face while doing it. _

 

_ “I can help you, bud.” The hurt in Jack’s voice must have been very obvious, because even someone as young as Jeremy picked up on it. _

 

_ “No. I have to do it on my own so you’ll be proud of me.” _

 

_ At the time, it seemed like such a ludicrous statement and Jack made sure to make a big deal about how nothing could ever change the fact he would always be proud of him. However, all Jeremy really wanted was for Jack to look at him the same way Kent looked at Liam, even if at the time Jeremy didn’t even realize that’s what he was looking for.  _

 

_ As Jack watched his son hooked up to machines while unconscious with a shaved head, he felt like he betrayed Jeremy somehow. He blames himself, because Jeremy showed every possible sign of being off his medication, and Jack felt like he didn’t do enough. Jeremy pushed both him and Eric away, but there had to be something he could do. Something he just didn’t think of soon enough. He felt like he failed as a father because this boy was his responsibility and he utterly and shamefully failed.  _

 

_ Jack says most of this to Jeremy when he wakes up, mostly trying to speak through the tears pouring out of his eyes.  _

 

_ “It’s not your fault, Papa. None of this is your fault.”  _

 

***

When Jeremy wakes up, he almost forgets about his visit from Ethan. That being said, he nearly has a heart attack when Ethan is sitting at his desk chair watching him. His eyes look nothing short of terrified, which makes no sense since Jeremy was the one who was scared. 

 

“I’m sorry about last night.” Ethan blurts out. “I don’t even know why I came here and bothered you like that. I guess it’s because you were the first person to actually be nice to me without an ulterior motive. Unless you have one. I mean, I wouldn’t know.” 

 

Jeremy just blinks to get the sleep out of his eyes and takes more than a few moments to answer. “I don’t have an ulterior motive.” 

 

“Right. Yeah. Okay.” Ethan clears his throat, tapping his fingers on his thigh in an attempt to find something to say. “Anyway, I’m sorry I just kind of harassed you with heavy shit at like ass o'clock in the morning.”

 

Jeremy rubs a hand over his face before responding. “It’s okay. It’s not that big of a deal.”

 

Ethan avoids Jeremy’s eyes and looks at the floor. “It was a big deal to me. Why are you so nice to me?”

 

_ Because you remind me of my past self. _ Jeremy can’t say that though, and he doesn’t think Ethan would want to know that either. After all, the concept of self care was foreign to old Jeremy and it didn’t end up well. Instead, Jeremy responds with the other half of the truth, “Because I consider you a friend and as someone who hasn’t had a lot of them, I like to look out for the ones I have. So don’t feel bad.”

 

That perks up Ethan’s mood like Jeremy flipped some sort of switch. This guy was so freaking hard to read because his emotions changed so quickly. Ethan looks at Jeremy with a grin on his face before standing up. “Friends, huh? I’m glad the feeling is mutual.”

 

“Don’t forget we’re working on your paper today.” Jeremy reminds him, mostly because he didn’t want to be waiting in Annie’s just for Ethan not to show up. 

 

Ethan rolls his eyes, but it’s fond and it hardly holds any annoyance. “I won’t forget.” Then the next thing Jeremy knows, Ethan is opening Jeremy’s window and climbing onto the roof.

 

“Ethan, what the hell are you doing?” It was more of a sigh than accusatory. 

 

“There is no way I’m walking through hockey player infested halls.” Ethan says like it should be obvious. “See you in a couple hours, Juliet.” After a salute, Ethan creeps across the roof and climbs down the tree by Jeremy’s window. He lands safely before running out the backyard and picking up his lacrosse stick on the way.

 

***

“Some good old brother-sister bonding. What else could you want?” Aria grins as she skates up to him.

 

Since they had a game last night, there was no practice today. The figure skating team wasn’t using Faber either, so Jeremy decided to take his sister while his parents were off exploring the campus. 

 

“Why do I have a feeling this alone time was intentional?” Jeremy couldn’t help but ask, because it seemed a little off that his Dad would just give up a day with him after all the excitement he conveyed about spending time with Jeremy.

 

Aria winced a little before looping her arm through his. “Okay, you’re right. This was intentional but I also wanted to spend time with you too. I already planned on having breakfast with you. This was just added on.”

 

Jeremy suddenly became very nervous, because his parents would usually send Aria to deliver disappointing news since he reacted better when it was coming from her. That’s why it was a little more difficult to deal with abnormal fits when she went to college. 

 

“What’s going on? Aria, just spit it out.” It came out harsh, but Jeremy didn’t want to have an anxiety attack at Faber. 

 

“I have good news and bad news.” Aria tugs Jeremy along when he slows a little on the ice. “Which do you want first?” 

 

Jeremy considers it and tells her- “Good news.” -because then he will have something to focus on if the bad news triggers him somehow. 

 

Aria clears her throat and suddenly becomes embarrassed, which amuses Jeremy and makes him glad he picked the good news first. 

 

“So, uh, you know how Noah and I have been sharing an apartment in Los Angeles. And it’s kind of small since it’s right in the city… Well we just bought a house in Alondra Park. That cute neighborhood outside the city.”

 

This surprises Jeremy a little, which is why he doesn’t respond right away. Their apartment in L.A. was beautiful and overlooked the city, and he knows how much Aria loves that view. Noah could also walk to work, and Alondra Park was in Manhattan Beach which was a thirty-five minute drive. He had no idea they were even considering living in a suburb.

 

“Why?” He can’t help but ask or keep the concern out of his voice. “Did something happen? Is that the bad news part of this?” 

 

Aria gives him a small laugh that was borderline shy, which was something new coming from her. “No, nothing bad. We uh, want to start a family and we can’t do that in an apartment.”

 

A huge smile spreads across Jeremy’s face and he pulls his arm out of hers to skate in front of her. “Aria, that’s awesome. I’m so happy for you.” 

 

Her smile wasn’t shy anymore, it was just genuinely happy. Jeremy used to be so jealous of her when he was in the NHL, because she was successful with both her family life and professional life. Now he was both relieved and excited that she got to have this. He always felt like he took away from his family instead of benefitting them. It was moments like these where he didn’t feel like that so much. 

 

Although, there was still the bad news. Jeremy returns to his spot next to her and continued skating, because if he could focus on his movements then the blow wouldn’t be too bad. He hoped so, anyway.

 

Aria waited a minute or two before bringing it up. “Do you remember when I called you and told you not to look at the news?” 

 

Jeremy vaguely remembered it, but he still nodded without saying a word. 

 

“Right… So, I know you only really follow the Coyotes and that you don’t exactly pay attention to the Falconers since Liam is their shining star now.”

 

“Yeah?” Jeremy encourages her to continue, because she stopped speaking. 

 

She clears her throat before saying, “I know you heard about the captain, Thomas Bentley, getting that horrible concussion. Well, turns out he suffered permanent brain damage and won’t be returning. The public doesn’t know that yet, Noah told me what his brother said. However, the public does know that Liam was, uh, given the C.” 

 

Jeremy really doesn’t like the way Liam could trigger such a toxic form of jealousy in him, but it never seems to fail and throw him off course whenever he feels like he’s gotten over his pettiness towards the guy. It causes his stomach to drop and makes his blood boil. He abruptly stops skating and attempts to get control of himself. It doesn’t work, though.

 

Aria doesn’t waste time skating in front of him to try and get Jeremy to look at her. “Listen, I know you’re upset because it’s Papa’s team and you have this whole plan of redeeming yourself by becoming captain of the Falconers, but now that you’re here I hope you realize they are already so proud of you and that--”

 

Jeremy ignores her and pulls out his phone to look at the article. His anger was rising to the top because of the news, but that couldn’t be the whole reason why Aria needed to tell him this in person. She could have said it over the phone so he had a few days of self deprecation before becoming determined again.

 

“Jer, stop. Put that away--” Aria went to grab his phone, but he jerked it away. She wasn’t going to fight him, so she stops her grabbing.

 

The article pops up with a big picture of his father and Liam Parson. His Papa had an arm around Liam with a giant grin on his face, while Liam had that cocky smirk on display. It’s like all the progress he made in the last couple of weeks was wiped away with just one picture.

 

Liam Parson was more than a rival to Jeremy. He symbolized everything Jeremy wasn’t and could never be. Mentally stable and successfully fulfilling the legacy everyone expected him to. He got the articles that compared him to Kent Parson on a positive note, and how he was just like his father because he was gifted and continued to make history. Jeremy was compared to his Papa in the sense of being a trainwreck and not living up to expectations because he wasn’t as talented as his father. Liam was the son his parents wanted. It was obvious in the picture. Someone screwed up somehow or somewhere, because the Zimmermanns got Jeremy and he wasn’t capable of making a difference. 

 

Jeremy must have gotten lost in his spiral of thoughts, because he finally felt Aria tugging his arm and repeating his name with a choked voice. “Jeremy, please answer me.” 

 

“I have to go meet a friend.” He says before jerking his arm away from her. He wasn’t in the mood to be touched right now. “I promised him I’d help with his paper.” 

 

Aria continued to block his path. “No way. We are meeting up with Dad and Papa for lunch in twenty minutes, and you can talk to them and tell Papa how this made you feel like your therapist told you to do when stuff like this happens--”

 

Jeremy slips his phone back into his pocket before cutting her off. “Tell them I didn’t want to have lunch anymore and that they can go home. Tell Papa I said Liam looks just like him. Spitting fucking image.”

 

“Jeremy!” 

 

Jeremy doesn’t say anything else as he heads to the locker room to change into his sneakers. He’ll just have to text Ethan to meet earlier than usual. He figures Ethan will appreciate the excuse to get away from his own parents.

 

***

 

It turns out Jeremy was right about Ethan’s need to get away from his family. They met for lunch at Annie’s before Jeremy began to help him with his paper. The first step was watching the movie together so Jeremy could help with the research and Ethan could spend most of his effort and time on the writing. They shared a pair of earbuds and watched  _ The Bridge of Spies _ while they had their lunch. Jeremy took quick notes while Ethan just focused on watching. 

 

When it was over, Ethan tried to copy what Jeremy wrote, but Jeremy did not have the patience this afternoon. He didn’t want to be mean, but he was taking out his anger (which never faded from Faber) on Ethan, which wasn’t fair at all. He knew it was wrong and it made him even more angry that he couldn’t help it.

 

Ethan eventually slammed his notebook closed and gave Jeremy a leveled look. “Alright, Zimmermann. What happened?” 

 

Jeremy blinks, looking down at the closed notebook with open irritation. “We are going to get nothing done if you keep wasting my time.” His tone wasn’t friendly at all.

 

Ethan raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t seem to be angry with Jeremy. “Why are you so pissed off?”

 

Jeremy really didn’t have anything to lose in telling Ethan. Besides, the last thing he wanted to do was go to his teammates about this. He wanted to be able to lean on them for support, but where this side of his life was concerned, he didn’t trust them at all. 

 

“Do you know Liam Parson?” Jeremy searches Ethan’s face for any sign of recognition, and unfortunately receives it. 

 

“Yeah, isn’t he like the face of the NHL? He’s like the next Jack Zimmermann--” 

 

The look on Jeremy’s face must have given him away, because Ethan immediately frowns.

 

_ “Ohh _ boy.  _ That’s _ why you’re upset. You think he’s like, replacing you while you’re at Samwell.” 

 

“Not exactly. He was always at the top so he wouldn’t want to replace me.” Jeremy’s tone was nothing but bitter. “Liam has always been better than me.”

 

“That’s not what I meant.” Ethan argues. “I know nothing about hockey. I  _ mean _ you feel like he’s replacing you in your family.”

 

That was extremely surprising to hear, mostly because Ethan was right.

 

“Why do you look so shocked? I didn’t think it was that far of a stretch.” Ethan narrows his eyes in a accusatory way, misreading the situation. 

 

“It’s not. You’re right. I’m just a little caught off guard you’d come up with that.” Jeremy admits. “No offense.”

 

Ethan only shrugs at that. “I can be an attentive person when I want to. Besides, I felt the same way on several occasions when I would bring friends over to my house from school. The only difference is that my “father” doesn’t really care about me.” Ethan isn’t sad when he says that, which makes Jeremy think Ethan only seeks validation in his mother. It was an assumption that he wasn’t about to confirm now. 

 

Before Ethan speaks again, it appears like he’s considering something. “Why don’t you come to the SML frat party tonight? We’re celebrating making it into the finals. Usually our season would be over by now.”

 

Jeremy is about to decline, because it’s a terrible idea for several different reasons. However, he likes spending time with Ethan and the last thing he wants to do is stay up all night alone with his thoughts. That would be more dangerous than going to a party full of strangers and alcohol. 

 

“Yeah, okay.” Jeremy says. “As long as your brother doesn’t assassinate me.”

 

Ethan waves off his brother’s hatred for Jeremy like it’s a mere inconvenience. “Any other weekend Todd would burn me at the stake, but since you helped me out last night he’s putting the bounty on your head on hold until parents weekend is over.”

 

“Wow, I’m flattered.” Jeremy rolls his eyes. 

 

“Bring some friends if you want to take this opportunity to piss him off.” Ethan suggests with one of his signature cocky smirks. 

 

Jeremy can’t help himself but laugh, which was a nice temporary relief from the tightness in his chest, even if it was just for a couple seconds. “Sure, why not.”

 

***

 

Jeremy had three missed calls from his Papa and five from his Dad. Of course he ignored them and put his phone on vibrate before stepping onto SML property. Only Jake Johnson and Caleb offered to join him, because everyone else was either with family or simply hated SML too much to go. 

 

“I’ve never been inside here before.” Caleb says as they walk in. “I was picturing a glass case of lacrosse sticks and maybe a pyramid of lacrosse balls in their living room. I was thinking they could possibly have a tie with the illuminati since most of them have the same name.”

 

“I don’t see how those two things have any correlation.” Jeremy admits to him. 

 

“Me either,” Caleb frowns. “But my viewers on YouTube seem to think so.” 

 

Jeremy simply pats his shoulder as a response. Jake takes a look around before adding, “I’m going to take Caleb to get some drinks so my presence in this scene has a purpose.” 

 

“I am one-hundred percent sure you’re a part of some secret society the world doesn’t even know exists.” Caleb narrows his eyes at Jake. “No one questions the things you say, but I know something is up.”

 

“Let’s go talk about something insignificant until the climax of this scene takes place.” Jake says as he ushers Caleb towards the kitchen.

 

Jeremy hears Caleb say, “How does no one _ hear this?!”  _ from a distance as they walk into the kitchen. 

 

He makes his way through the crowd to try and find Ethan. It couldn’t be that hard, since Jeremy knew Ethan liked to drink which meant he would be close to where all the alcohol was. 

 

Sure enough, Ethan was next in line to be tipped over to do a kegstand. His stance was aggressive and his eyes narrowed with a competitive nature.

 

“You look about ready to wrestle a bear.” Jeremy says as a way of greeting. 

 

Ethan’s tense posture dissipates as he turns towards Jeremy. “Make fun of me all you want, but you’re about to see some next level savagery in a few seconds.”

 

When Ethan did go, he didn’t last very long. His teammates pointedly ignored Jeremy, but that was fine. He didn’t want the attention anyway. He made the mistake of pulling out his phone, yet to see another message from his Papa telling him to call him. Jeremy ignores it and decides to turn off his phone so it stops buzzing in his pocket. 

 

“That was actually kind of lame.” Jeremy said honestly as Ethan walked away from his laughing teammates. He gave them a thumbs up before flipping them off and finding a wall to lean on. 

 

“Hey, that was actually a personal best excuse you very much.” Ethan says, a bit offended. “Anyway, how’s the self deprecation going?” 

 

Jeremy didn’t hide his glare behind any other emotion when he directed it at Ethan. 

 

“Whoa there.” He laughs, holding up his hands in defense. “Get that look away from me. I was trying to convey how ridiculous you’re being.”

 

Jeremy scoffs at that, but doesn’t exactly take offense. If it came from anyone else, he probably would have gotten angry. For some reason, Ethan was different and Jeremy couldn’t quite put his finger on why. “I can’t exactly control it.” Jeremy admits, which is the closest thing to saying he has bipolar disorder to anyone besides his family.

 

Ethan doesn’t make him elaborate, but not because it goes right over his head. Jeremy is starting to realize Ethan is more observant and aware than he originally thought. 

 

“Okay, I know you don’t drink.” Ethan changes the subject. “Which is fine by me, but if you’re here we might as well dance.”

 

“I don’t do that either.” Jeremy points out. 

 

Ethan narrows his eyes. “Well would you like to anyway?”

 

“Not really, no.” Jeremy rolls his eyes, which turns Ethan’s annoyed stare into a judgmental one.

 

“We could always watch paint dry. That’s my go-to activity when I attend a frat party. Or we could go outside and see how long it takes the grass to grow. I bet you there’s a hockey game on and we can watch men on blades fight over a rubber object.” 

 

The last bit made Jeremy laugh, because he implied hockey was boring. “You  _ really _ don’t like hockey. Is it because you were brainwashed when you first got here or because you genuinely don’t like it?” 

 

Ethan leans on the wall and crosses his arms. “Did you just make a joke? Does that mean you’ll dance with me?” 

 

“Those two things have nothing to do with each other.” Jeremy says lamely. “I don’t want to dance because I’m awkward and terrible at it. I bet you only invited me so I would do something embarrassing and your lacrosse team would have blackmail material.” 

 

“And yet another joke.” Ethan pauses before adding. “I hope.” 

 

“Why don’t we go work on your paper?” Jeremy says as an answer and grins when Ethan gives him an annoyed look.

 

“You know what’s really sad, Zimmermann? I can’t tell if you’re serious or not. Why did you even come if you weren’t going to dance? I bet you actually  _ do _ want to work on my paper. You know why? Because you’re boring. B-O-R-I-- Wait, where are you going?”

 

Jeremy was heading towards the living room, where a group of people had gathered to dance on top of each other. “If I dance will you stop calling me boring?” 

 

“I sure will.” Ethan’s grin takes over his whole face as he follows Jeremy into the crowd. It was an upbeat pop song that he recognized belonged to the singer Aria had as a dance partner this season. That struck another chord of reminder about what happened earlier today.

 

Ethan must have seen it on his face, because he reached over and hit the back of Jeremy’s head.

 

“Ow! What the hell was that for?” Jeremy snaps, rubbing the back of his head. His hair was starting to grow out again, which meant he would need to shave it soon. He had a scar on the left side of his head that would be even more obvious with long hair.

 

“Two things.” Ethan says in a accusatory tone. “One, you looked upset which means you were dwelling on the thing I brought you here to forget. And two, because you’re just standing there and not dancing at all.”

 

“I just got  _ settled _ .” Jeremy argues. “You’re not dancing either.”

 

“That’s because I’m waiting for the beat to drop.” Ethan explains, then what he was waiting for happens, because he dabs. That’s an old move that unfortunately never died. 

 

“That’s it. I’m leaving.” Jeremy says before he starts to walk away. He was laughing so he wasn’t exactly serious, but Ethan grabs his arm to jerk him back.

 

“I was only kidding. I am a fucking great dancer.” Ethan brags as he begins to move his hips to the music. “My ass isn’t the best but my hips don’t like.” 

 

“Okay, Shakira.” Jeremy continued to stand there, looking like an idiot. Which is exactly why he didn’t want to do this in the first place. Only drunk Jeremy knew how to dance. 

 

“Ugh, you’re so old. Who raised you to be such a dinosaur?” The smirk on Ethan’s face indicated that he was trying to accomplish something, but Jeremy didn’t know exactly what. 

 

“My Papa.” Jeremy answered his rhetorical question with the intent to make it a joke, but there was just an undertone of hurt in his voice. The guilt was soon starting to take over the anger, and guilt felt so much worse than anger.

 

Ethan grabbed Jeremy’s other arm and pulled each back and forth like he was trying to swing them. “Now shake that wonderful ass of yours and then there you go. You have danced.” 

 

“I don’t think this counts as dancing.” Jeremy complains, but he gives in and moves his hips just a little bit. He probably could have humored Ethan and tried to do it on his own, but the truth was Jeremy liked Ethan’s hands on his bare arms. 

 

“I disagree.” Ethan counters before looking down at his hips. “This is so painful, oh my god.” His laugh was pretty amazing too and the realization set warning sirens off inside Jeremy’s head. He could  _ not _ have those types of feelings for Ethan. Friendship was enough and Jeremy enjoyed it. He didn’t need more right now. He has to focus on himself. 

 

Just as he was about to pull away to put some distance between them a voice stopped his heart from pumping.

 

“Jeremy Zimmermann? Dancing without alcohol in his system? That’s a sight I  _ never _ thought I’d see.”

 

“Oh  _ great _ .” Ethan mutters before he drops his hands from Jeremy’s arms. 

 

Jeremy turns around and of course, Liam Parson is standing right in the entryway of the living room, watching him with a grin that was anything but friendly. It was menacing. 

 

“This is a classic parallel that was bound to happen.” Jake says from his spot next to Liam in the entrance, with Caleb giving him a bewildered look. “What  _ are _ you?”

 

“How…” Jeremy hasn’t seen Liam in at least a year. Of course he’s seen him on television during games, but not in person. His dark hair was longer and he still remained to be built like his other father, Alexei Mashkov. He looked fucking terrifying. He always has. “Why are you here?”

 

Liam’s grin changes into a smile that shows some type of genuine emotion, if the guy was even capable of that. “I have come here to rescue you. When I heard you moved out of your parents’ house, I figured you’d be training to get back to the league. Then I find out my brother is coming here for parents weekend and I didn’t even get an invite. Which, you know,  _ ouch _ .”

 

“Rescue me.” Jeremy just stated what Liam said, because now a crowd of people were watching them and it was only a matter of time before people started recording this. He didn’t want to have this conversation somewhere so public, but Liam made no effort in taking it elsewhere. Jeremy was still in shock that he was here in the first place. 

 

“That’s right.” Liam begins to walk closer to Jeremy until there’s only a few feet of space between them. “I miss my shadow.” 

 

That burned a lot, but Jeremy isn’t going to fight with him. He only had one pressing question. “I still don’t understand why you’re here right now. I doubt it was because you wanted to visit me on a friendly note.” 

 

“I told you why.” Then Liam gives him the most honest look he’s ever gotten from the guy in his life. Then he lowers his voice, “Listen, can we go somewhere to talk? I don’t want to embarrass you and to be frank it looks like you’re about to throw up.”

 

Jeremy’s first instinct is to say no, because all Liam is going to do is try and convince Jeremy to drop everything and just return to the NHL like it’s that easy. Liam tried it once before, but not quite so unannounced. Jeremy ultimately decides to agree, because he wants to know why Liam would drop by so suddenly and so conveniently when Liam was the exact reason Jeremy was so upset in the first place. 

 

They go upstairs into an empty room and Jeremy makes sure to lock the door. He takes a few moments before he turns around to look at Liam. He made this grand appearance in a t-shirt and basketball shorts, which means this was more unplanned than Jeremy thought. Liam typically dressed nicer than this when he went out in public. Especially parties. 

 

“Listen, I heard from Noah you freaked out because I got the C.” Liam’s voice still held confidence, which Jeremy was sure would never change. “This is going to sound harsh, but you need to get over it. Don’t go backwards just because I got something you wanted--”

 

“It’s not that.” Jeremy cut him off and his voice was anything but kind. He wouldn’t elaborate on his statement, though. He wasn’t about to admit to Liam his insecurities. 

 

Liam gives him an unimpressed look. “But it is.” He argues. “I want you to come back to the league, but if you keep focusing on my accomplishments that’s never going to happen.”

 

“You came all this way just to tell me that?” Jeremy snaps. “That’s pretty over the top.” He knew he wouldn’t come out of this conversation unscathed. Jeremy is one-hundred percent sure he’ll be hit with an anxiety attack, because it’s been building up all day since he saw the article. 

 

“If I had called, you wouldn’t have answered and if I left a message you would have deleted it. So don’t give me that shit.” Liam takes a deep breath like he’s preparing for a blow before saying, “I’m so sick and tired of being made the bad guy because I’m the person you want to be.”

 

“Get over yourself. You’re an asshole who doesn’t care about anyone other than himself.” 

 

“Yeah? Well so are you.” Liam isn’t smirking or grinning anymore. He’s all business now, which always scared the shit out of Jeremy and Liam knew that too. “You always scare your family and I always get a lecture from Noah or my Dads because I’m somehow affecting you, which is such fucking bullshit. I get the C and it’s suddenly a bad thing because poor Jeremy Zimmermann wanted to continue his father’s legacy, so now I just look like a terrible person.”

 

“Cry me a river.” Jeremy is shocked with how calm his voice is. “You look like a terrible person because you are selfish and mean. The only reason you want me to get better is so you can go back to beating me in everything because that gives you some sort of fucked up satisfaction.”

 

Liam runs a through his hair and lets out a frustrated grunt. “You don’t seem to  _ get _ it. Stop using me as a source for all your damn problems! Stop whining and just come back to the league. You’ve always used your name to get you ahead, why stop now?” 

 

Jeremy can do nothing but laugh, but it’s dark and holds no amusement. “Did you just hear yourself? You’re always so condescending. You have some ulterior motive for me coming back as soon as possible, and it has nothing to do with my mental health. Find someone else to latch onto.”

 

“Once again, it goes right over your head.” When Liam gets upset, his voice dips low and he has a sort of calmness that’s borderline threatening. “I need you to come back, because then I’m free of this constant guilt I feel all the time.”

 

This causes Jeremy to pause his nasty retort and actually process what Liam just said. “Why the hell would you feel guilty?”

 

“Do you not remember anything from that night?” Liam asks a little more carefully. 

 

He really didn’t remember much, but if Liam was feeling guilty over whatever happened then Jeremy definitely didn’t want to know. It had to be pretty big in order for Liam to lose the satisfaction he got whenever his achievements overshadow Jeremy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: the next chapter will have the scene of the night of Jeremy's accident


End file.
